When Friends Die Young

I guess you know you're an adult when you keep up with the obituary section in your home-town newspaper. It's always such a shock to read that someone your own age has died, whatever the cause. Even at 47 it seems so strange to be outliving my friends.

Fortunately my attitude about so-called "death" is healthy because of my religious upbringing. It's sad, of course, but not the end of life (except the temporary separation of body and spirit) and we'll eventually all catch up. I don't know how people can cope without this foundation.

Again, just recently, another friend has passed on. We were very good friends in high school and she was someone my mom thought would make a good wife. (hint hint) My mother didn't make a comment like that about any other girl I know. I have no doubt that she was a good wife and mother. She was perfect in so many way and delightfully silly too. I've never tasted a cookie that was as good as her "Gockneys." They were huge, white sugar cookies and I've thought about them frequently for 30 years.

We called her "Crazy Jilly" and she lived up to her nickname in purely entertaining ways and with grace and style. She loved the camaraderie and attention. I have a photo that brings back all those wonderful memories. http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_worm_turns/67535128/in/set-1426515/

She was delightful.

I know that those who love her, particularly her family and neighbors, must be feeling a deep sense of loss. She reportedly battled cancer and so while I'm sure she is glad to be free from her pain and discomfort, I'm certain that she's lovingly watching over you.

I think I understand grief now. It's personal and egocentric. It's about "my" loss. And I'm discovering why I tend to keep myself detached from others. Sometimes the loss has been too great, singularly and collectively. Since I haven't seen Jill in over 25 years I can't say that I'm grieving. But my soul wants to reach out to the people who love her, share their grief if it's possible, and help lighten their burden.

My thoughts also turn to Brian, Tom, Eric C., Ted, Kile, Coral, Mark, Annie, Robert, Richard, Leticia, Eric W. (who took his own life) and so many others including my cat, Orlock. Life is short, looking back. But looking ahead it can seem painfully long. If they could come back and tell us all about what's next, it seems to me that would render our existence rather useless.

I guess that's about all we need to know. It's "The Long Way Home." This is what the journey is all about.