Not too many decades ago I discovered the pleasure of photo manipulation. By that I mean I would take a No. 2 pencil and eraser and make changes to people's photos in the newspaper. Usually blacking out a tooth was funny enough. But adding hair, erasing hair and changing the eyes was also part of my repetoire.In 1975 (?) I discovered Art Afterpieces by Ward Kimball and in the early 1990's the "Aberrant Art" of Barry Kite. (http://www.aberrantart.com/) His photo collages made me laugh, and I mean REALLY laugh, after a long dry and sad period of time when I did very little laughing.
Not too many months ago, a friend attempted to give me a crash-course on Photoshop 5.5. Liz was my computer-age heroine making a good living as a web designer. I doubted too much that I could ever learn to do what she did so well. But there I sat, nodding my head like a Jim Webb bobble-head doll acknowledging that I understood what she was showing me during my one and only Photoshop lesson.
As soon as she left my apartment I tried using it and failed. I tried again and again, each time failing to do anything more than adjust the photo's brightness.
Fast forward to 2005 when my fingertips were tapping away on the keyboard of a new and powerful computer designed for a whole variety of audio and visual arts. "Della," as I call it (her) is my new best friend; a baby, purchased - I mean adopted - strictly to satisfy my paternal - uh, I mean artistic - urges.
Months went by before I started feeling the satisfaction of an artistic urge made manifest. For this triumph I have my friend Chuck to thank. He introduced me to the http://www.flickr.com website. Besides being a place to sort and store photos, I discovered photo manipulation once again. And this time it was being done by Chuck and thousands of others. And this time I was determined to play too!
So I found a free photo editing program, downloaded it, learned how to use it (often with the help of others) and started creating like an obsessive-compulsive inspired artist. Actually, I probably am an obsessive-compulsive artist. I found acceptance and enough praise to encourage me to keep going for several weeks.
But now I seem to have run out of gas. My mind is blank. I can stare at a photo for hours and not come up with any inspiration. When I do try something, I can't manage the technical end and end up ignoring the project. I'm stuck.
I've completed 4 or 5 in the past few weeks but I had been doing 2 or more per day. It's become a chore instead of a pleasure. And this is how my mind works. That's why it can be fun for a while but difficult to live with over time.
I'm now flying a bit too low. The tops of the trees seem uncomfortably close and yet just a few weeks ago I was so high I couldn't breathe.
Welcome to my life. I take two pink tablets in the morning, two green and white capsules and two white tablets at bedtime. Amazingly this combination keeps me as stable as I am. But this is not a fun life. Depression is a cruel bitch.
Focusing on a single creative effort is, for me, a magnificent way to neutralize all the superfluous wavelengths and let my inner self come through. Being engaged is the key.
Writing is also a way of focusing. And that is why I am sitting here at 2:05AM trying to put my feelings into words. I am at an impasse. I'm letting my thoughts flow through my fingers to the keyboard. The amusement park that is my brain is temporarily closed while the staff looks for the wrench in the gears. I'm having a personal seance seeking help from an unseen influence. If all this works I hope to back in business soon because creativity is life.
When I'm feeling creative, that's when I feel most alive.
And now I can wrap this up without a clever ending because I've just written my own excuse. I will now go to bed, wait for the cats to find their spot wedged into my side or on my feet and then I will sleep, with luck, while my subconscious mind goes out to play in dreamland. If I'm lucky, tomorrow will bring a little inspiration.
Good night.
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-The photo above is a real family photo, manipulated at my request by Liz for a special occasion. It continues to be a source of much pleasure for myself and many others.
-My photo manipulations can be seen in a set called Manipulations and Abberations using the following link:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_worm_turns/sets/1809738/ Click the link under each photo to see the original photo prior to being "tweaked."
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