Mom's Suggested Blog Topics

Not long ago my mom sent a list of things I could write about. I quickly read the list and then assigned my subconscious to work on it for a while.

I thought she'd mention the incident in the Hong Kong airport when I wandered off to watch planes from the observation deck but she didn't. She thought I'd disappeared but, of course, I knew when to come back to the gate and was never lost but I was only about 14 years old and to her I was missing and presumed gone for good. I was really embarrassed that she had become so frantic but also sorry that I had made her worry. Of course I never told her about the last part. I was too proud to admit that I was ever in any jeopardy of getting lost or abducted. These days, though, I would NEVER let a kid that age wander away in a foreign airport or even Safeway for that matter. It's a good thing I don't have kids. I'd smother them before they ever had a chance of leaving the nest.

One of the things she mentioned which left me befuddled was, and I quote, "suggesting maternity treatment when mother mashed her finger when the safe lid fell on it cause that's all the first aid you knew." I have no idea what that is all about. I've asked her to explain. What did I do, Mom, boil water and put your feet in stirrups?

Here's the rest of the list with my comments:

Broken thong in (East)China Sea, dodging sea urchins.
She's referring to my flip-flops, not my swim suit, that broke leaving me far from shore without protection against those spiny sea creatures and sharp coral.

Natives running for the little plane on that dumb little island.
That was on the Ishigaki trip. When they began boarding the plane, people went nuts and ran under the plane, between the propellers and jostled each other on the stairs just to get on board. I witnessed scenes like that watching the evacuation of Saigon on TV. We never learned what the cause of the bedlam was. Didn't I mention this already? I meant to.

Cockroach running up your pajama leg.
Roach? Cockroach?? Try CockROACHES!! About thirty. Oh, that still makes me weak. I'll have to tell that story later, after my dad has passed on. I still have a bit of anger left in me about that and don't want to say anything to jeopardize my inheritance. (wink wink)

Thermos to school during water rationing.
Yeah, on Okinawa we had a drought one year. It was awful. We had to bring our own drinking water from home and there was never any way to bring enough. It was so hot and the fountains were turned off. Not only that but we only had running water at home for a couple days a week. We took showers using only about 2 quarts of water. (I'm not kidding. You washed only the vital parts.) We saved the laundry water in the big deep sink in the utility room and used it to manually flush the toilets on days the water wasn't on. I remember missing the toilet a couple of times and having to mop the floor and try again.

Playing super spy at airport trying to find out why we couldn't get to the Philippines.
This is another one that I need explanation on. I know we always flew standby on MAC charters so I must have been looking at the boarding priority list to see who got on ahead of us and why.

Cutting the wire on Doug's little radio cause you didn't like it.
Doug, my brother, is lucky I didn't cut his throat in his sleep. He made life a living hell for me when I was little. Hell, I was little for YEARS since he was nine years older than me. We shared a bedroom when we lived in Alaska. His little transistor radio kept me awake at night. Or maybe I was jealous because I didn't have one. Anyway, I decided to clip a wire when he wasn't home to solve the issue. But I think I got concerned that it might still work so I clipped every wire inside the thing without thinking that I would be caught. I think that frightened Doug a little bit because, as we now know, scissors lead to knives which lead to .... However, I never hurt him. Even years later when we went out with rifles for some target practice it never occured to me to get back at him. I really only wanted to earn his respect. And I did. He put the target dead center with the fence post and when I hit the "bullseye" I basically blew the fence post into two pieces. Oops!

Eating dog (probably) in Japan.
Okay, now that's a strong accusation. I don't remember exactly what she's talking about here but we did get some rather mysterious meat in the restaurants. You couldn't count on the plastic replicas in their windows to taste like how it looked.

Leaving camera in restaurant in Honolulu and getting it back when we returned from the Arizona Memorial.
Talk about shitting bricks. I bluffed my way through the whole memorial tour and then had to ask meekly if we could go back to the restaurant where we had had breakfast. Luckily, it was there. They held it for me. What can I say? It wasn't 2006, it was 1972!

Bringing the crowd to tears when you sang 'I Am A Child of God" in (our church service)in Alaska.
I had dimples, could carry a tune and humbly believed in what I was singing. I vaguely remember singing in front of everyone and I know I wasn't nervous. Then a few years later my family tormented me by telling me I had to sing "Two Little Ducks" at a family reunion in Utah. (Simple Life-esque) What a dumb follow-up to "I Am A Child of God!"

Screaming your head off when Dr. Gubler tried to take your T-shirt off to examine you. You wouldn't remember that.
I do remember that. How old was I, three? Four? But I thought it happened in Alaska after witnessing Doug play a game of basketball where one team had to play shirtless. ("Skins and Shirts") Maybe I thought I was going to be forced to play basketball. Maybe I was just modest! Maybe I didn't want to be stripped by a stranger! Whatever!

The kid in the bed next to you when you had your tonsils out that went blue and, if we hadn't been there to yell for help, probably would have died. Guess you don't remember that either.
No, but I remember the newborn baby that was in the same room (there were a lot of us lined up in that room) that cried nonstop. And I remember you coming in to change my diaper and how ashamed I was of that, plastic pants, diaper rash and all. I was a serious bedwetter. It went on for waaaay too long. At least now there's an explanation. Okay, TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Getting conned into picking berries in Alaska. Not just Alaska but everywhere we lived. Even in Utah on my birthday once I got tricked and manipulated into going up Middle Canyon to pick those damn awful chokecherries. I remember the steep canyon walls, those scrubby bushes and thinking that I'd just rather plunge to my death than have to keep picking those nasty little berries. Of course, years later, I look back fondly at it all.

It was/is Mother's passion, one of them, and I never got hurt. Raspberries, blueberries, chokecherries, gooseberries, blackberries; we had to pick berries wherever we found them. We had to go out in search for them. I'm glad we never had to go picking cranberries because I would have drowned.

Forgetting to take a belt when we went to Hong Kong. (Didn't know) what to do when had to go to that cocktail party or whatever it was!
I was thirteen years old. What did I know about packing? I also forgot pajamas when we went to the Philippines. You should see me now when it's time to travel. I absolutely go into a panic. And I dream about leaving on a trip but forgetting my passport or tickets. I have a lot of travel anxiety dreams. Actually, I have a lot of basic anxiety dreams. But I digress. I'm sure my travel stress dreams are due now, mostly, because of my stressful airline career. It was a wild 15-year ride that pretty much ended on 9/11.

So that's the quick and dirty version of all those topics. Keep 'em coming, Mom, because that was fun.