Uncrowned

Around noon today I thought I felt something stuck between my teeth. Something didn't feel right and it was on my mind as we headed to San Jose for another visit to Macy's. If there's one kind of trouble I've had enough of in my life it's dental problems.

A few months ago I needed to have a molar "extracted." That means pulled out: tugged, yanked, twisted, pried and sometimes chiseled. Fortunately for me, only the first four techniques were used. It was not pleasant. For the curious, I took photos. They're in a set by themselves on Flickr.

People find it very hard to believe that when I was a kid and needed fillings, my Neanderthalian dentist didn't give anesthetic. I don't know how many times I had to suffer through sessions that seemed to last for hours as the cycle of drilling, screaming, sweating and crying would be followed by a moment of calm only to be followed by the startup of the drill and etcetera. All of this came rushing back to me years later during the movie Marathon Man. His excuse, I found out later, was that "kids are generally more frightened by needles than a little pain."

Asshole.

So I've been there, done that and don't wanna go back there no more. And I've had great luck finding new-age dentists who are more than willing to give as much anesthetic as an elephant would need and one who was very generous with the "gas."

But that's just it. I'm done, or at least I'd like to be. Today I put my finger in my mouth to see if I could figure out what was causing the strange sensation and a crown popped off. Yup. Right next door to ground zero from a few months ago.

I don't get all fainty or grossed out when that happens unless it stinks. Today it didn't. (Last time it did!) No, I see dollar signs and images of my wallet turning inside out and that cute little guy on the Monopoly board in jail - a.k.a. the "poorhouse." And that worries me because horizontal stripes are not flattering when you have a wider than desired torso. Ha! I know. That's out of date. But I positively hate orange clothing too.

With luck I thought I could just scrape out the old cement, clean the tooth, glue it back on and be done. I bought the junk at Long's and came home to work on it only to discover that the stump is a bit decayed. So I'll be calling UCSF on Monday to join the ranks of uninsured, common folk who go to the dental school as subjects for the students to practice on. Hopefully the cement I bought today will keep the loose crown stuck to the tooth until I can get there. I don't want it to come off and choke on it in the night.

Don't get me wrong. They're all thoroughly supervised. It's very refreshing and I have immense respect for everyone there. I just don't like the other patients. They're icky. And I don't like sitting in the waiting room with them. It's a relief when my student dentist comes to the doorway and calls me in.

So here we go again. Will I have it pulled? Crowned? One thing's for sure. I can't chew with two molars missing on one side, not normally at least. Stay tuned.

In other news: The current editor of the Oakland Zoo docent newsletter, Scoop, called today to give me a deadline for an article I need to write for next month's edition. I need to find a plant or tree that is or will be blooming in October to write about and have it done by Monday. Oh, and by the way, she wants me to take over her job in January for the next couple of years. Yikes! Somehow she thinks my ability to take a photo and my experience 30 years ago as Editor-in-Chief of my high school paper are good qualifications. I think she's just desperate to pass the torch.