Magnets and Air Conditioning

Please tell me I'm not losing my mind. The other night we went out for some pasta at Rigatoni's in Castro Valley and we discovered that the knives and forks are magnetized, as you can see in the photo. This is not a trick. You can attempt to do this at home because I doubt there's any danger.

The spoons, for some reason, wouldn't stick to either the knife or the fork. And nobody thought to check whether knives would stick to knives or forks to forks though having an answer to those questions would have only left us more befuddled.

I worked in food service at one time and I can't think of a single reason why this should be. We mentioned it to our waiter who wasn't in a very talkative mood but he already knew about it.


If only we could look forward to afternoon thunderstorms the heat wouldn't be so bad. But this week started off hot and it's just getting worse. I start to get miserable and feel sick when it starts to get warmer than 72° outside which, by coincidence, is how warm it is outside right now at 1AM. The temperature inside is 76° so I won't be going to bed soon. Those nice flannel sheets are going to have to wait for a while.

Still, there are brave souls who are coming to the zoo with children, pushing those SUV sized strollers up the hill, sweating profusely and some swearing profusely at their kids who seem to be oblivious to both heat and the rigors of walking uphill. It hit 90 yesterday in San Leandro so at the zoo where it's always warmer, it must have been 95. That's hot enough for anyone.

When I picked Brad up at the BART station he said it felt like Las Vegas but I was thinking, "..yeah, on a day with 48% humidity!"

The bengal tigers were playing in the afternoon sun but acting a little grouchy. A large snarl took us off guard as I was talking with two visitors on the upper observation deck, causing us to forget what we were talking about. The camels didn't seem to mind much but would occasionally go over and splash in their little pond. The lions were nowhere to be seen. Other docents were also scarce, all of them giving up and leaving before 1PM. Big, floppy hats are common and today I saw the largest umbrella ever; large enough to cover a family of three.

So until Mother Nature's natural air-conditioning returns, which it will, at least I am glad I've chosen to spend my time at the Oakland Zoo where the animals are respected, the public loves coming there, and nobody minds if you're found sitting in the shade unable to walk any further for a while.

It's only recently that I've seen cactus plants in blossom. Nature inspires me and I hope it's easy to see why. The complexity and detail that can be seen in the cactus flower here astounded me when I leaned over the railing and peeked inside. Every day brings new discoveries, new visitors and new experiences. This is how I imagined "retirement" would be, just not this hot and not this early!

My Jury Duty is Complete

I've had sneezes that took longer to complete than this year's jury duty. Yesterday I got excited because I was told to call back today between 11 and 12. I let myself imagine that I'd have to hurry out the door to report to the court room by 2PM and then get selected to be on a case like the Susan Polk trial. No such luck.

It all started many years ago watching Perry Mason on TV. Somehow it seemed my mom was able to figure out who dunnit and I couldn't even follow the story line very well. But I got to bring one of those wax paper sandwich bags filled with potato chips into the living room to enjoy during the show. In those days I don't know what I enjoyed most. Maybe it was just how smart Perry Mason was. And he was always in charge and in control.

Today I appreciate the same things but I also notice the furniture, lamps, cars, clothes and most important of all the big breakdown scene in court at the end where the big reveal takes place. It was so dramatic.

I like the way the Perry Mason character's mind works. And later on I became a big fan of the Vulcans on Star Trek all the way up to T'Pol on Star Trek: Enterprise. I can't say enough about the virtues of emotional detachment.

A Pleasant Surprise

Last night I quickly went through every one of my photos on flickr.com just to review what kinds of images I've been uploading since last September when I first got started. When I was done, I wasn't very impressed with my abilities as a photographer. I wasn't sure about my artistic talents and even though I have nearly 1500 photos online that have been viewed on more than 17,000 separate visits (and counting) I still had the feeling that I've been making some kind of a positive contribution. But until today I wasn't clear on what it is.

I had to remind myself about the many messages of gratitude I've received from people who lived on Okinawa around the same time I lived there for posting all my photos from the time. Most kids didn't take any photos and to summarize what I've been told, they said my pictures brought back a flurry of forgotten, happy memories from the happiest time in their lives.

One fellow wrote and said he lived across the street from me and that his sister, now deceased, is in two of my photos taken at Pacific Middle School. I remember her. She was a fun, happy girl whose death left family broken hearted. I had a feeling someone would eventually see themselves or a friend in my photo stream but I wasn't expecting to hear a tragic story like his.

On the other hand he agreed with others that my collection of random shots from daily life brought back good memories too. And that's something I enjoy hearing. Those two short years were such a magical time in my life and it gives me great pleasure hearing that by seeing my photos, other people experience the same rekindled emotions.

Just the other day I was contacted by someone who is putting together several new websites about Okinawa and asked for my permission to use some of my photos. I really can't guess which ones he wants to use but I still felt a rush of pride. Had I known, over 35 years ago, that these things would happen I would have done a much better job of taking and preserving my slides!

Okay, there's more! This is a little odd but tonight I checked my mail and found that the University of San Francisco School of Pharmacy had added me as a flickr contact. Since that sounded really odd, I decided to go to their flickr profile and see what was going on. I was pleasantly surprise by what I found. They don't post their own photos or select favorite photos by other people. Here's a quote from that profile:

• We add Flickr contacts and join Flickr groups which we feel reflect the character and experiences of people in San Francisco, the Bay Area, and California so that our community can more easily see how we move and live in the larger world around us. Flickr enables us to share and build these connections much easier than we can do ourselves.

I was honored by that. It feels good to be recognized even in a small way.

When it's all over with and done I hope my one heart's desire is achieved. And that is just to have contributed something lasting and positive during my time. Maybe I've started getting somewhere with that.

Photos, Claws, Glasses and Lychees

It was another evening out with the camera looking for new things, pretty things and unique things to capture. I've learned that if you want to meet your neighbors, hang out on the sidewalk. All kinds of nice people walk by ready to introduce themselves and tell you things.

This evening I met Sheila and Randy who told me that people have been killing skunks and dumping them in the field across from us. I really must stay up late at nights watching what goes on out there because I never hear or see anything. I smell skunk and even Robert, another neighbor closer to us, says he's come home at night and seen them right at his door. They come from the golf course area and drink water in our faux stream and forrage around for pet food that people leave outside. I can live a few more years without needing to surprise a skunk.

Randy said there was a peregrine falcon spotted here lately. And some people I met yesterday said they came out on their deck one weekend morning to enjoy their coffee and saw a turkey vulture on the fence across from their place. It's strange that we have all this wildlife in such a suburban and industrial area. It shows that wildlife can adapt if forced to.

When I came home, this is what I saw inside the window next to the door:

My days of single-vision lenses may be numbered. I've been fighting against bifocal lenses for years now. I've tried them, stumbled down stairs and run into things. I couldn't stand how I had to keep adjusting my head depending on what I want to look at. And progressive lenses were a joke. It was like being seasick and having the flu at the same time.

But I really can't see stuff close up. I wear my glasses to correct for distance, which isn't really as big a problem. When I'm in the store, for example, I just look under the bottom of my lenses to see tags, ingredients and etcetera or just take off my glasses. But it doesn't work for using the cell phone, adjusting the settings on my camera, reading maps...

Oh why can't big '70's lenses come back into style? They're much more practical for bi and trifocals. Not that I think they're attractive or anything. (But I guess I did when I had my senior photo taken for the 1976 high school yearbook. Eeek!)

But seriously, folks. One of the things I live with is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Nobody really wants to hear specifics so I'll just say that lately I've been more irritated than usual. This is the opposite of what happened on our last road trip when I failed to pass anything solid for about 5 days. Just imagine that. Uncomfortable? Yeah.

This morning there was a breakthrough at my vacationing friend's apartment. Spooky was really glad to see me. She was very vocal, very affectionate and didn't attack when I brushed her, pet her and massaged her head. She couldn't stop rubbing her face against my hand and acted like she just learned to like it. She sat on my lap and kneaded my leg with her paws. Okay, that was uncomfortable because her claws are like needles. But she didn't do anything aggressive.

So I tried touching her paws gently and kind of giving her a paw massage. That was risky, I know. But she was very gentle. So maybe tomorrow or Thursday I'll take the nail clippers and see if I can cut some of those things down. It needs to be done. Yes, Mom, I'll have plenty of alcohol, hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls handy in case of a thrashing.

I'm still thinking about that last trip to Berkeley Bowl because the sight of fresh lychee fruit made my mouth water. I suppose I was denying myself things just so I wouldn't spend money but that doesn't explain the $1.68 white chocolate bar. I took a photo, though, and that's how I'll end tonight.

Perhaps I'll tackle some serious writing one day soon.

(Clicking on the photos will give you a larger version. All my photos are online at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_worm_turns/ )

Thoughts of Friends East and West

My most sincere thanks to "Walt" in Frederick, MD for sending a wonderful collection of Ryukyuan music to me after reading a comment I made somewhere on-line about wishing I could hear those sounds again. Much of the music is contemporary, utilizing electronic instruments, but is based soundly on the classics in style, rhythm and verse. It sounds less like "an injured animal" (according to one friend) than the music I used to listen to on the radio during the lunch hour when I lived on Okinawa.

It brings back such positive feelings of my love for the island, the people and the cosmopolitan and idyllic two years I spent living on Okinawa in the early 1970's.

To my friend now vacationing in Hawaii: Your cat is alive and well, eating and pooping like a good girl. I hope my text message didn't alarm you. I know you warned me that Spooky goes kind of nuts when you're petting her and I'd get clawed if I didn't take it easy. How am I supposed to keep my hands off of her? She's so sweet and she purrs and talks to me. She lets me pet her and rub her chin and massage her back when she's on the floor. I thought she was going to let me pet her and brush her. Well, I soon found out that she's more likely to attack when her four legs aren't in use holding up her body, like when she's on the floor. Before I knew what had gone wrong she had all 98 claws in her four paws as well as her teeth sunk deeply into my right hand. The grooming session abruptly ended as I went in search of alcohol and bandages.

Tonight I looked over at my right hand and saw a few spots of blood which surprised the heck out of me because I didn't think she "got me" the one time she swatted at me. At least it was only a small wound. In fact I'm wondering if it wasn't just a spontaneous leak of some kind as a result of my subconscious apprehension of being attacked again.

I've joked that by the end of the two weeks all I'll have the courage to do is crack the door slightly and throw in a piece of raw meat.

My cat seems to be doing well. I haven't yet figured out an effective way of getting a pill down his throat every day, let alone TWICE a day. So his asthma is still a problem. However I'm very happy that I've found a brand and blend of food that he will eat that doesn't make him puke. At first I balked at Dick VanPatten having his name on a brand of cat food but I tried it anyway. The bagged dry version of Venison and Green Pea was labeled "Allergy Formula" so I tried it anyway, wishing that it was something Betty White had endorsed. Not that I have anything against Dick VanPatten, it's just that I'm more familiar with Betty White's involvement in animal issues. The brand name is "Natural Balance."

I wonder why someone hasn't thought to make a cat food out of mice, bugs and long blades of grass.

I'm still in shock after learning that our "docent goddess" at the Oakland Zoo resigned recently without notice. I missed the meeting where she made the announcement but a fellow docent sent me an email with the news. It's devastating news for the docents and the keepers. She is NOT replaceable. Something unpleasant has been going on but I don't know what. It isn't like her to give up on anything so it must have been a very, very difficult and painful decision to make.

It makes me angry at who/whatever caused her to leave. My first reaction was to never return to the zoo again. But she taught us well both in the classroom and on the job. Our first priority is the animals and their welfare. We signed an allegiance to them and promised to be there for them. The visitors are important too, of course. I have nothing bad to say about anybody at the Oakland Zoo. I haven't met a bad apple in the bunch. In fact, until working at the zoo, I thought that the best people on Earth worked for United Airlines. The reality, of course, is that good people are found everywhere. But the thing that bonds us together at the zoo is much deeper in a spiritual way.

Leslie, you've had a lot to deal with lately. A death in the human family, especially an unexpected one, is a tragedy. I think of you frequently, fondly and as I think you know, have a special place in my heart for you and your family. Can you believe that we first met nearly 20 years ago? Aloha.

Today there will be a family reunion in Hinckley, Utah which I will not be attending. It's on my father's side of the family encompassing the posterity of his maternal grandparents; my great grandparents. That has the potential of attracting a whole lot of people! When I was a kid we used to go to family reunions and I really only cared about three or four of my cousins. The rest were older, meaner and different because we lived in town and they all lived on farms.

I learned to dislike family reunions at about 6 years of age when my brother and sister told me I had to get up and perform "Two Little Ducks" on stage in front of everyone. I didn't care about performing, really, but that was such a stupid song I knew I'd be dead meat after my tough farm cousins ahold of me afterwards.

We always took our own drinking water with us because the local stuff was so nasty. It was always hot, dry and I suffered badly from hay fever. I couldn't imagine being more miserable. The corn on the cob was good though. Fresh farm grown corn is good stuff. But stopping at the A&W in Delta on the way home and getting one of those cone shaped containers of ice-cold root beer for the long drive home almost made the trips worthwhile.

All those memories are filed away in "my past." To go there now and see my cousins who, in my mind, are all still eight and ten years old now looking like our parents did the last time we were together would be upsetting. It's also upsetting that our parents now look like the very, very oldest people who we were afraid of when we were kids.

Jury duty is coming up soon and it would be great if I could actually serve on a jury, even if it's for a purse-snatching. It's just one of those things in life that I really want to do. Every year I get the notice in the mail but don't even make it as far as the courthouse. My number never comes up. If I never get to serve that's okay as long as I get a guarantee that I'll never be judged by one.

BED TIME

Etcetera

How about a chit-chatty post for a change, just to get back into the groove?

Today's top story, so far, is the new kitchen faucet AND food disposal, efficiently installed by a very perky yet stinky young man from Service One. That's who the property management uses for rental repairs. Our faucet was beginning to form a geyser under the plastic "H / C" cap and could have blown at any time. While extracting the faucet (he said it was WAY over-installed) a piece of the disposal broke off so that had to be replaced too. Yay!

Yesterday I picked up the keys to my friend's apartment so I can perform my "Spooky Babysitter" job starting on Saturday for two weeks. Spooky is the cat's name. To entice me to spend some time there with her each day, I've been offered the entire Buffy The Vampire Slayer DVD collection to watch. Spooky's human is convinced after I watch the first episode I will be hooked. I suppose that could happen.

His apartment is downwind from the Ghirardelli factory and the air often smells like someone is baking chocolate brownies. It's nice for a while but then it gets annoying. It's funny how one of the most pleasant smells can become so sickening when you can't get away from it.

The day before, he brought us treats from his business trip to London. I enjoyed white chocolate chip and macadamia nut "biscuits" from Harrod's and my cats got a very cute battery operated hamster in a clear sphere for their amusement from Hamleys (http://www.hamleys.com/invt/0000000549923) which is a very OLD toy store.

We've just returned from a recent camping trip to Big Basin and a road trip vacation to Zion, Bryce and Grand Canyon National Parks (which also included some camping) and now we're discussing another road trip to Yellowstone, Grand Teton and Glacier in August. That $50.00 inventment in the National Park Pass was a good one! Individually the entrance fees add up to much more than that.

In the back of my mind I'm thinking of upcoming jury duty this month. I SO want to be on a jury! I get duty notifications every year but never even make it to the courthouse. I also have a lot of zoo work coming up starting with a meeting tomorrow morning. And I still have a lot of photos to process and post to my Flickr pages. The video I took on vacation has yet to be reviewed but eventually I'll be adding clips to my Vimeo collection as well.

Now it's errand time. I have things to do before picking up Mr. Happy at BART and we all meet at La Pinata to bid our vacationing friends a bon voyage.

Feeling Small

It's similar to looking out an airplane window and realizing how tiny you really are.

On the ground, in the shadows of giant redwood trees I got the same feeling. I felt like that while I reflected on my cat, my life and myself. I felt like a tiny dot until the mosquitos came out.
Then I felt bigger.

The drive from San Leandro through San Jose and on to highway 17 seemed to go by quickly. While we were sailing past the scenery I tried to imagine what someone from the covered wagon era might have thought if, one night in a dream, they'd had a vision of being in my seat in the car for a few minutes. How could anyone describe that? Maybe that's why seers have written such symbolic accounts of their visions.

I thought about a lot of things looking up at the sky, trees and birds this past weekend. I thought about being small, large, old, young, helpless and powerful. I thought and thought and got a stiff neck from looking up so much. Unfortunately I couldn't really find any answers this time. I just felt very small most of the time. Weekend camping trips are too short to experience major edifying events. On day three, I was ready to relax and enjoy the day but it was time to go again.

Pewter's health problems continued to be on my mind all weekend but I had a comfortable feeling inside that he would be okay OR that I would be okay with whatever happened. When we got back in cell phone range, there was a message to call Brad's mom. That's the only time that I got nervous. But it turned out that we had left on Friday without closing the garage door.

So in addition to all the above feelings we got to feel stupid too. Yay.

We returned to find the cats happy, healthy and relaxed. I hope to repeat that discovery every time I come through the front door no matter how long I've been away.

Drama and Thermometers

I'm not used to much drama in my life and when something happens to one of my cats, it's a big deal.

Things seem normal and stable right now. Pewter's visit with Dr. Grossman went well and left me optimistic and much more relaxed. He seems much, much better now that the IV port (I'm sure that's the wrong term) is out of his arm and that bandage is gone. I know now that Pewter is totally right-pawed because he just couldn't clean himself by using his South paw.

Pewter seems like he's in better shape than I am now. I'm exhausted from the anguish and have yet to process my sadness. By process, I mean cry. I imagine that will happen tomorrow sometime in the car as we drive off for a weekend at our favorite campground at Big Basin in the redwoods near Santa Cruz. It doesn't matter where I go. I just hate leaving my cats. I am, however, capable of going away AND having a good time. It's just a little drama I go through every time. Mom, does this sound familiar?

There's a line somewhere between normal and crazy where cat people sometimes linger on or near the crazy side. Obviously I'm not unfeeling. And I wouldn't go on this trip if Pewter needed me. But from his perspective, as much as he seems to hate it when I go away, I'm sure he will be okay. He will be fed and checked on a couple of times a day. He may just appreciate the total peace and quiet. This all reminds me of a term we use freely at the zoo:

anthropomorphize - To ascribe human characteristics to things not human.

I would never want to underestimate the intelligence of our fellow non-human beings but I know there is a limit to a feline's sense of self. I also know that humans can seriously over- anthropomorphize animals. I see it at the zoo all the time. I also see total disregard for the integrity of the animal kingdom. It's such a difficult subject. I only hope to err on the side of compassion if I must err at all.

This post isn't going to get a proof reading. I'm tired and have a bag to pack. And I want to do it while Pewter is sleeping downstairs. As long as Cootie doesn't go blabbing what I'm up to, Pewter will probably just enjoy his slumber in his favorite spot, glad to be home in familiar surroundings with plenty of good food and water and nobody sticking a thermometer up his butt.

Neurologic Episode

Or is it neurological?

Pewter held up well, patiently waiting in his carrier in the back seat while Brad did a little grocery shopping after we picked him up from Alameda Pet Hospital last night. He was a little doped up but I couldn't really tell.

When we got home I put him in a laundry basket made all comfy with towels because I was under the impression that he'd just want to pass out. But he was only in it long enough to jump back out again and head downstairs to the feeding station. He was hungry and thirsty and he wanted dinner NOW.

The rest of the evening wasn't normal because he didn't come and sit by me while we watched The Amazing Race. Cootie, still unable to smell the Pewter he was familiar with, didn't know what to think and hissed everytime they got close. I felt bad for him but Pew didn't seem to care.

Before bed I had time to think about the long visit we had with Dr. Jen who showed me Pewter's x-rays and blood test results and went over everything in great detail. They can explain the sneezing and coughing but not the neurological event. It's a big mystery. And (now this is funny) short of doing a CAT scan, there's no real way of knowing what's happening in his brain.

At 3AM it happened again. His crying woke me up. Well, the smell from the cat box partially woke me up first. He had just gone potty and by the time I turned my light on and went into the hallway he was on his side showing signs of another episode. His eyes were going back and forth like he was watching an imaginary ping pong game and his head dropped to the right.

He knew I was there. Instead of just crying, he seemed to be complaining. I just did my best to support his head and talk quietly to him and comfort him. And he purred the whole time, even when he was crying out. When he calmed down some I got up to get a towel. Fortunately he didn't lose control this time so it was a "clean" episode. But he then walked backwards half way down the stairs. So I went down, got a towel and wrapped him up like a baby, went to the recliner and held him for about an hour while the episode ended. The whole thing lasted about 90 minutes.

Afterwards I brought him up to bed where he stayed for quite a while. When I woke up, he was gone. At about 7 when I got up to take Brad to BART, he was downstairs waiting for breakfast.

I was supposed to take him back to the vet today for observation while I went to the zoo and did other things. But I was exhausted and went back to sleep. The vet called at 10:30 wondering where I was and I told him I was going to stay home with him today. So I'm taking him in this afternoon at 4 for a follow-up appointment.

What happens after that, I don't know. I have decisions to make.

Grief

I was prepared to start writing until I attached the photo of Pewter's beautiful face and now I can barely think.

Today he had a seizure of some kind. It involved losing bowel control, losing his ability to walk and vomiting. My first reaction was that he had had a stroke.

And indeed he may have had a stroke. That is one of two possible scenarios at this point. There may be brain damage. If so, I'm afraid that he won't be with me any longer.

On the other hand, there's a possibility that he is having an inner ear issue related to allergies with they say can be treated. Cured? I don't know. There's so much I don't know right now. But what I DO know is that I won't be as selfish as I was with Orlock. With him, I waited too long before I sent him to wait for me in heaven. He was very ill and I went to extreme measures to keep him alive and comfortable for as long as possible.

Pewter's sweet face is something I'm not prepared to go without seeing every day. But I've also had feelings that he is more seriously ill than anyone suspected. This is one time that I'd like to be proven wrong.

It's almost 3PM and I expect a call any time now. I need to find something to keep me busy. Writing this was meant to be a way of expressing myself. All the while I've had a prayer in my heart that I can think clearly and do the right thing, make the right decisions.

UPDATE: 3:52PM The vet called while I was in the shower (of course) and left a positive message. Pewter is doing much better. The x-rays indicate that he has allergies and suffers from asthma. They've given him various medicines, including a narcotic to calm him down, and said to come and pick him up. We'll decide at that point whether he needs to go back tomorrow and what kind of treatment plan he'll have.

In the mean time, Cootie has been very sweet and affectionate. He has a way of calming me down and I just love how he rests his head on my hand or extends his arm, cupping my finger in his paw, and curls his toes as if he were squeezing my finger.

The last time Pewter went to the vet alone, Cootie didn't like the way he smelled when he got home. He hissed at him for two days. This time I don't care. It looks like Pewter will survive this so what's a little hissing in the long run?

Concerning "Mission Accomplished"

The dialogue continues in the comment thread below the "Mission Accomplished" photo in my Flickr photostream. Most people have viewed the photo without comment. Many have "fav'd" it meaning they have created a connection between their own photo pages and the ones on Flickr they like. And some have chosen to make comments.

While I feel that the primary purpose for posting photos on Flickr is so that, as artists, we can be mutually supportive and offer constructive criticism, there comes a time when it's okay to be provocative. I have such strong feelings about our current administration and the war in Iraq that I felt motivated to post the photo as a reminder to all those with feelings not to forget. An armless soldier, faceless Iraqi civilian or burned corpse of a civilian contractor would have been an entirely different message than the one I wanted to put across.

Some people question why I would post such a photo (flag-draped coffins being unloaded from an aircraft) and accuse the photographer of having some kind of agenda. After reading the latest comments tonight I responded with a few of my own. What follows is my contribution.

I don't know who took these photos. I DO know that photography isn't a crime and these images should be seen by everyone.

We'll all have different reactions. But I'm quite certain that the purpose for distributing them is to remind all of us that our soldiers are being killed. It isn't about the "good guys" and the "bad guys" because that's the stuff of fiction. Don't over-simplify the intentions of the photographer and those who keep these images alive in our minds. I, for one, have immovable respect for those who serve our country including the ones who question our leaders and their policies. That's what makes it all work.

We must continue to THINK, LISTEN, LEARN, QUESTION, and stay involved. Otherwise we will be lead astray. I believe we were purposely mislead. But even if we were mistakenly mislead we have indeed been mislead by people who are not worthy to hold the trust of the people.

That's what makes this photo so incredibly powerful. We see the absolute respect and dignity in the way the caskets are draped in our beautiful flag and the way they are being handled. The photo itself is balanced, cropped and exposed in such a way as to suggest nothing but respect.

Growing up in a military environment I did very little thinking for myself on the subjects of war, politics and patriotism. But I'll never forget the day my hero, Richard Nixon, resigned in disgrace. It was like my world had shattered. And then on subject after subject I learned the truth about many more things including the Vietnam war. And friends, the truth just isn't always pretty. Growing up was hard enough but learning that my country isn't perfect, isn't morally clean, isn't always run by saints and is subject to mistakes and evil influences was a very
tough thing to accept.

Welcome to the real world. Choose your battles, leaders and heroes carefuly but pray to God that you know the true face of your enemy.

The link to the photo and comment thread is: http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_worm_turns/136505221/

This Won't Play Well in Peoria

Amen
Originally uploaded by Miss Makita Drill.

The big marches and demonstrations are over for now. The effects they had, besides the immediate and measureable ones, will be known in time. I was busy at home that day so it didn't impact my life in the slightest. But come to think of it, I didn't hear the usual sound of leaf blowers cutting through the morning calm. Does that count?

There were news reports, photos, opinions, editorials, comments, video and audio. And then it was over. So what happened? A whole lot of people got together, this time waving American flags instead of Mexican flags, and made a clear and deliberate point that our laws need to change.

What good is a demonstration en masse if you end up turning the people who you want support from against you instead? This "backlash" is something that was quickly learned during the dress rehearsals for the May 1st rallys. The country was aghast by the display of Mexican flags. The old expression, "This won't play well in Peoria" certainly applied then as it does to this photo.

Americans tend to love their laws and know that the rule of law is the cement that keeps our loose bricks from falling down.

I'm nowhere near Peoria but my heart is in the vicinity. The situation is a certified, complicated mess and scenes like this will not be useful in finding a solution that can be supported by the majority of U.S. citizens and many immigrants as well.

"Mission Accomplished" Anniversary

When I posted this photo on my Flickr page I had no idea it would get so much attention. The host site was referenced in a letter from Gold Star Families for Peace along with some other information. (http://www.newshounds.us/2005/04/26/project_madman_images.php)

America needs to be reminded daily, like we were during the Vietnam war, about the horrors of war. Even though this is a powerful photo it's very different from the experience of having dinner while Walter Cronkite related the day's events in Vietnam, complete with footage of the battles, massacres and killed and injured soldiers being evacuated.

This current war has been sterilized for us. Only a few programs have been produced showing soldiers with missing limbs, reconstructed craniums and artificial eyes. And you have to search the foreign press websites to find photos from the Iraqi perspective although we do get glimpses of their ruined homes and shattered lives.

This is also true of the Palestinian people. Occasionally we get to see Israeli heavy equipment tearing down the house of a terrorist but to find out what life is like for the people, you have to search. And these days can we turn our backs while Israel builds a wall to divide the land? In this age, in these times, the Berlin wall is gone and there are gift shops in the Great Wall of China. And some in the U.S. want to build a wall along the border with Mexico. I doubt they have plans for gift shops.










http://www.newshounds.us/2005/04/26/project_madman_images.php

Poltergeist Spring Cleaning

Things are starting to move here. Furniture is coming and going and stuff is coming out of closets and other stuff is going to the garage. It's spring cleaning time. Yay!

I think I have a great master plan but I haven't written it out yet. So for the fans of the tedious writings of obsessive-compulsive, clinically depressed persons with memory loss and other disorders, this is for you.

The problem is we need more storage space AND we need to put what space we do have to better use. So the first objective is to create more storage space. The only place where this is possible is the garage. Recently I got rid of a bunch of unnecessary junk and then got busy trying to plan for new shelves.

My first attempt didn't work out so good. I put together the double wide shelves I had at my last apartment and then drove the car in for the night. Well, I couldn't open the car door. So I had to get out the power drill, disassemble most of it, put it back together as a single unit and try again. That was a lot of wasted time. And yes, thank you, I DID measure first. Just drop it.

Tonight I finished adding shelves to the wall. It only took - two trips to IKEA, -three trips to Home Depot and a lot of measuring, calculating, drilling, cussing, sweating and improvising.

So, tomorrow the poltergeist begins. The camping equipment we extracted tonight (from under the stairs behind the coat closet on the main floor) will move into the garage. The Christmas decorations and etcetera will move from the walk-in closet in the little bedroom (#3) upstairs to the "room under the stairs."

Then, I can move my clothes into the walk-in closet of bedroom #3 from my current bedroom (#2). The closet in bedroom #2 will become storage for things currently in #3 that don't go to the garage or under the stairs. Eventually I will make #3 my actual bedroom leaving #2 as a library, office, computer room, exercise room, den - - whatever.

The funny thing is, nothing is going to happen in bedroom #1. Nothing's going in and nothing's coming out. There is a storage closet outside bedroom #1 just off the deck but it's full of Halloween decorations. Since we only use that stuff once a year, they may as well just stay there. And beneath the deck there's another storage room/hot water heater room just off the patio. It's full of potting soil, planters and a charcoal grill that may never get used again. So that's off to the garage as well.

The thing that put this all in motion was the purchase of a new dining room table and chairs, replacing the one Brad brought from his previous apartment. The new one is much larger and will require the original one to be moved into the kitchen which will, in turn, cause the one in the kitchen to go bye bye in some manner. I think the latest method will be to turn a few screws, put the pieces in the garage and deal with it later.

There is an urgency to all this. The new table and chairs arrived last night about two weeks ahead of schedule. We weren't ready. I had just finished moving the old computer desk down from the bedroom #3 closet to the dining room in preparation for transit to Brad's niece in San Lorenzo. So now the main floor, consisting of two basic rooms, the kitchen and the dining room/living room, is totally cluttered. In these two rooms we currently have two sofas, three dining tables, 12 chairs, a computer desk, two display cabinets, two CD cabinets, a huge TV, an armchair, a recliner, two lamps and lamp tables, a coffee table and a few odds and ends. And after watching The Amazing Race we emptied the contents of the room under the stairs so in addition to everything else, we have two tents, a gazebo, three camping chairs, two coolers, two cots, various lanterns, sleeping bags, and other equipment waiting to move to the garage.

And when all this is done I promise the car WILL FIT comfortably into the garage once again. Something tells me that I may be given a "poltergeist" job in the next life.

Leapin' Lemur

Earth Day 2006 is over now but I have something to remember this day at the Oakland Zoo from every other day.

Our "Holy Docent Goddess" (the boss) send out an email the following day with a summary of what happened:

· Kudos to Jim Webb: While working at the bat exhibit, he noticed that one of our lemurs apparently decided it was time to look for greener pastures and leaped out of the lemur exhibit! While the keepers prepared for a recapture, Cassady Hudson and Janet Nakao cleared the lemur deck. Jim (and probably others I don’t know about) dashed to help keep the crowds away while the errant lemur was enticed back into its enclosure. Good work!!!

Earlier in the day I was at the lemur observation deck taking some video of my new favorite animals moving about in their huge, new exhibit. The lemur and Malayan/Island fruit bat exhibits are next door to each other and even though I managed to get some cute footage of a lemur actually leaping, I wasn't able to catch them going bananas when the bats were flying around.

One of the things docents absolutely must have is a radio that works properly. Just like when I worked at the airport, maintaining two-way radio contact is essential. I had no idea that I would actually witness an animal out of exhibit but knew shortly after getting to my first assignment that my radio wasn't broadcasting so instead of just dismissing it, I did the right thing and had another one delivered to me at the bat exhibit.

In the afternoon, as the temperature dropped like bat guano and my arms and face got colder and the bats became less active, I noticed something odd in my peripheral field of view. There were lemurs on the fence looking toward the bats. Earlier in the day when that happened it was because the bats were flying around. But the bats were, by now, mostly inside the night house or, if outside, hanging motionless all wrapped up in their wings. And then I realized that I was seeing the backside of one of the lemurs on the fence which couldn't be possible unless he was on the WRONG side of the fence.

For a minute I didn't want to believe that I was seeing an escaped animal. Several months ago I thought I saw an escaped golden weaver bird hanging out above the baboons and spider monkeys. It turned out to be a plain old native bird of some kind that I had never seen before. I felt a little stupid.

But on Sunday, it became clear that we had a problem. I called in the situation and stayed on scene, as trained, reporting on his movements. Soon several keepers arrived and enticed him back inside with some yummy grapes.

It wasn't like the lemur was really trying to escape. Once he was out it was clear from his movements that he was trying to get back in. That's where his family is; that's where his food is and that's the environment he's comfortable with. He almost seemed panicked that he couldn't find a way back in. Now I can't explain this because I don't know how he got out. And I didn't witness his recapture since I was maintaining crowd control.

Since opening, the lemurs have had several escapes and each time exhibit modifications have been made. This is a brand new part of the zoo, open less than a year, and it took the little critters a long time to venture away from the nighthouse into their big new habitat. It's so nice to see them out and enjoying all of it. They're a little like cats, in some ways, and while our escapee was trying to get back in I sort of laughed a bit thinking of my cat, Pewter, who also recently escaped from his habitat for a minute, got a little wet from the rain and ran back to the door crying to get in.

Yup. This is where the food is. This is where the family is. I won't be making any modifications to the house to keep him from making another escape. I just have to hope that he's as smart as our lemurs.

***30 April Update: Silly video now playing at Vimeo.com: http://www.vimeo.com/clip:68299

Mom's Suggested Blog Topics

Not long ago my mom sent a list of things I could write about. I quickly read the list and then assigned my subconscious to work on it for a while.

I thought she'd mention the incident in the Hong Kong airport when I wandered off to watch planes from the observation deck but she didn't. She thought I'd disappeared but, of course, I knew when to come back to the gate and was never lost but I was only about 14 years old and to her I was missing and presumed gone for good. I was really embarrassed that she had become so frantic but also sorry that I had made her worry. Of course I never told her about the last part. I was too proud to admit that I was ever in any jeopardy of getting lost or abducted. These days, though, I would NEVER let a kid that age wander away in a foreign airport or even Safeway for that matter. It's a good thing I don't have kids. I'd smother them before they ever had a chance of leaving the nest.

One of the things she mentioned which left me befuddled was, and I quote, "suggesting maternity treatment when mother mashed her finger when the safe lid fell on it cause that's all the first aid you knew." I have no idea what that is all about. I've asked her to explain. What did I do, Mom, boil water and put your feet in stirrups?

Here's the rest of the list with my comments:

Broken thong in (East)China Sea, dodging sea urchins.
She's referring to my flip-flops, not my swim suit, that broke leaving me far from shore without protection against those spiny sea creatures and sharp coral.

Natives running for the little plane on that dumb little island.
That was on the Ishigaki trip. When they began boarding the plane, people went nuts and ran under the plane, between the propellers and jostled each other on the stairs just to get on board. I witnessed scenes like that watching the evacuation of Saigon on TV. We never learned what the cause of the bedlam was. Didn't I mention this already? I meant to.

Cockroach running up your pajama leg.
Roach? Cockroach?? Try CockROACHES!! About thirty. Oh, that still makes me weak. I'll have to tell that story later, after my dad has passed on. I still have a bit of anger left in me about that and don't want to say anything to jeopardize my inheritance. (wink wink)

Thermos to school during water rationing.
Yeah, on Okinawa we had a drought one year. It was awful. We had to bring our own drinking water from home and there was never any way to bring enough. It was so hot and the fountains were turned off. Not only that but we only had running water at home for a couple days a week. We took showers using only about 2 quarts of water. (I'm not kidding. You washed only the vital parts.) We saved the laundry water in the big deep sink in the utility room and used it to manually flush the toilets on days the water wasn't on. I remember missing the toilet a couple of times and having to mop the floor and try again.

Playing super spy at airport trying to find out why we couldn't get to the Philippines.
This is another one that I need explanation on. I know we always flew standby on MAC charters so I must have been looking at the boarding priority list to see who got on ahead of us and why.

Cutting the wire on Doug's little radio cause you didn't like it.
Doug, my brother, is lucky I didn't cut his throat in his sleep. He made life a living hell for me when I was little. Hell, I was little for YEARS since he was nine years older than me. We shared a bedroom when we lived in Alaska. His little transistor radio kept me awake at night. Or maybe I was jealous because I didn't have one. Anyway, I decided to clip a wire when he wasn't home to solve the issue. But I think I got concerned that it might still work so I clipped every wire inside the thing without thinking that I would be caught. I think that frightened Doug a little bit because, as we now know, scissors lead to knives which lead to .... However, I never hurt him. Even years later when we went out with rifles for some target practice it never occured to me to get back at him. I really only wanted to earn his respect. And I did. He put the target dead center with the fence post and when I hit the "bullseye" I basically blew the fence post into two pieces. Oops!

Eating dog (probably) in Japan.
Okay, now that's a strong accusation. I don't remember exactly what she's talking about here but we did get some rather mysterious meat in the restaurants. You couldn't count on the plastic replicas in their windows to taste like how it looked.

Leaving camera in restaurant in Honolulu and getting it back when we returned from the Arizona Memorial.
Talk about shitting bricks. I bluffed my way through the whole memorial tour and then had to ask meekly if we could go back to the restaurant where we had had breakfast. Luckily, it was there. They held it for me. What can I say? It wasn't 2006, it was 1972!

Bringing the crowd to tears when you sang 'I Am A Child of God" in (our church service)in Alaska.
I had dimples, could carry a tune and humbly believed in what I was singing. I vaguely remember singing in front of everyone and I know I wasn't nervous. Then a few years later my family tormented me by telling me I had to sing "Two Little Ducks" at a family reunion in Utah. (Simple Life-esque) What a dumb follow-up to "I Am A Child of God!"

Screaming your head off when Dr. Gubler tried to take your T-shirt off to examine you. You wouldn't remember that.
I do remember that. How old was I, three? Four? But I thought it happened in Alaska after witnessing Doug play a game of basketball where one team had to play shirtless. ("Skins and Shirts") Maybe I thought I was going to be forced to play basketball. Maybe I was just modest! Maybe I didn't want to be stripped by a stranger! Whatever!

The kid in the bed next to you when you had your tonsils out that went blue and, if we hadn't been there to yell for help, probably would have died. Guess you don't remember that either.
No, but I remember the newborn baby that was in the same room (there were a lot of us lined up in that room) that cried nonstop. And I remember you coming in to change my diaper and how ashamed I was of that, plastic pants, diaper rash and all. I was a serious bedwetter. It went on for waaaay too long. At least now there's an explanation. Okay, TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Getting conned into picking berries in Alaska. Not just Alaska but everywhere we lived. Even in Utah on my birthday once I got tricked and manipulated into going up Middle Canyon to pick those damn awful chokecherries. I remember the steep canyon walls, those scrubby bushes and thinking that I'd just rather plunge to my death than have to keep picking those nasty little berries. Of course, years later, I look back fondly at it all.

It was/is Mother's passion, one of them, and I never got hurt. Raspberries, blueberries, chokecherries, gooseberries, blackberries; we had to pick berries wherever we found them. We had to go out in search for them. I'm glad we never had to go picking cranberries because I would have drowned.

Forgetting to take a belt when we went to Hong Kong. (Didn't know) what to do when had to go to that cocktail party or whatever it was!
I was thirteen years old. What did I know about packing? I also forgot pajamas when we went to the Philippines. You should see me now when it's time to travel. I absolutely go into a panic. And I dream about leaving on a trip but forgetting my passport or tickets. I have a lot of travel anxiety dreams. Actually, I have a lot of basic anxiety dreams. But I digress. I'm sure my travel stress dreams are due now, mostly, because of my stressful airline career. It was a wild 15-year ride that pretty much ended on 9/11.

So that's the quick and dirty version of all those topics. Keep 'em coming, Mom, because that was fun.

"So..she's snacking?"

When is a job more than just a job? In my experience it's when you have to go home afterwards and do some research on the Internet about something you've never heard of or seen before.

The date is unimportant. The tour group that day was two cartloads of senior women from an assisted living facility. That's not important either except that I'm grateful for the way they reacted to what we saw. We could have just as easily had a rowdy group of grade school children or some nasty teens.

Perhaps this would be a good time to see the video if you haven't already skipped ahead. This is a very short video accompanied by music; my second effort. Enjoy, please, but not at mealtime.
Click here when ready.

I'm so glad I had my video camera with me that day. And in a way I'm glad the elephant wasn't satisfied with his first trip up the bum because I caught the second one on tape. We were all still stunned from the first time. It was a very awkward moment and will occupy a high position on my list of docentia experiences. During the second helping (the one caught on tape) the only background noise is someone asking, "So she's snacking, is that what's happening?"

Up until then, the only time I'd ever witnessed this before was one very cold winter morning many years ago. My grandmother's next door neighbors' German Shepherds were outside running around in the snow. Then one of them stopped and dropped a hot, steaming dump and to my utter amazement, the other one came over and ate it. I don't think anybody believed my story, with the exception of a psychologist or two.

Back to the day of the video, after getting home from the zoo I went online and started looking into it. I discovered that it has a name: coprophagia. And although disgusting, it's not terribly uncommon. I haven't done enough research to write a paper on the subject. I haven't even done enough research to write an article for our zoo newsletter even though I'd love to interview some of the keepers from various zoos to see what they're doing to discourage it, if that's their strategy. Don't get the wrong idea. The elephants are NOT deprived of food or nutrients.

First Prize for the most revolting comment from among the witnesses that day goes to the guy that said his dogs eat the cat turds right out of the box which saves him from doing maintenance. Now that's just sickening.

So, enough about this. It's just one of my absolute best captures on video but highly unlikely to win any money from America's Funniest Home Videos. World, it's all yours. Enjoy.

When Friends Die Young

I guess you know you're an adult when you keep up with the obituary section in your home-town newspaper. It's always such a shock to read that someone your own age has died, whatever the cause. Even at 47 it seems so strange to be outliving my friends.

Fortunately my attitude about so-called "death" is healthy because of my religious upbringing. It's sad, of course, but not the end of life (except the temporary separation of body and spirit) and we'll eventually all catch up. I don't know how people can cope without this foundation.

Again, just recently, another friend has passed on. We were very good friends in high school and she was someone my mom thought would make a good wife. (hint hint) My mother didn't make a comment like that about any other girl I know. I have no doubt that she was a good wife and mother. She was perfect in so many way and delightfully silly too. I've never tasted a cookie that was as good as her "Gockneys." They were huge, white sugar cookies and I've thought about them frequently for 30 years.

We called her "Crazy Jilly" and she lived up to her nickname in purely entertaining ways and with grace and style. She loved the camaraderie and attention. I have a photo that brings back all those wonderful memories. http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_worm_turns/67535128/in/set-1426515/

She was delightful.

I know that those who love her, particularly her family and neighbors, must be feeling a deep sense of loss. She reportedly battled cancer and so while I'm sure she is glad to be free from her pain and discomfort, I'm certain that she's lovingly watching over you.

I think I understand grief now. It's personal and egocentric. It's about "my" loss. And I'm discovering why I tend to keep myself detached from others. Sometimes the loss has been too great, singularly and collectively. Since I haven't seen Jill in over 25 years I can't say that I'm grieving. But my soul wants to reach out to the people who love her, share their grief if it's possible, and help lighten their burden.

My thoughts also turn to Brian, Tom, Eric C., Ted, Kile, Coral, Mark, Annie, Robert, Richard, Leticia, Eric W. (who took his own life) and so many others including my cat, Orlock. Life is short, looking back. But looking ahead it can seem painfully long. If they could come back and tell us all about what's next, it seems to me that would render our existence rather useless.

I guess that's about all we need to know. It's "The Long Way Home." This is what the journey is all about.

Resign NOW

"To: George Bush,
Due to the recent revelations by disgraced aide to Dick Cheney, L. "Scooter" Libby, that George Bush authorized the leak of CIA Valerie Plame's name to reporters, thus by compromising her safety, the safety of many Americans working undercover and reinforcing the lie that Saddam had WMD, the leadership and members of Gold Star Families for Peace call for the resignation of George Bush and Dick Cheney.

We have paid dearly and permanently for the lies of this administration. The "yellow cake uranium" lie was a lie of historic and nefarious proportions that led to the deaths of our loved ones in Iraq and the devastation of an innocent country and the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent citizens of Iraq.

George Bush said that the person who leaked the information would be "dealt with," and Scotty McClellan reiterated this position at a later press conference.

So, George, considering that this is just one of the many lies you told to justify the illegal and immoral occupation of iraq, the members of GSFP are calling on you to finally do the honorable thing and deal with yourself and resign and we also call for the resignation of anyone else in your administration who lied to America, our families, and the world about the reasons for killing our dear loved ones.

Our respect and best wishes also go out to the Plame/Wilson family for what they have also endured for doing the right thing to try and expose the lies to stop this regime's headlong rush to disaster in Iraq and by the attacks on their family by our own government.

Signed:The Needlessly Devastated Families of Gold Star Families for Peace

You're The Top

Where have I been lately? Right here with my face in the computer working on something creative. Check this out:
http://www.vimeo.com/clip=60082
It's part of a larger project that was a birthday present-ation to a friend. Slide shows w/music are fun but now that I own the proper cable, have hours and hours of video, watch out for some new types of entertainment!