An Inconvenient Heat Wave

The heat..the heat. It was fun at first, then it got ridiculously hot and has stayed hot. I haven't ever felt heat like this here in California. I wonder what the cats are thinking when they're stretched out downstairs on the floor like a sweater that's been laid out to dry. There are things I'd like to do but can't stand the profuse sweating. So I just sit quietly.

Last night the fog came in and the outside temperature dropped to around 60°. It felt great downstairs but the upstairs bedrooms stayed hot. There wasn't enough of a breeze to clear out the hot air. The fan didn't do much. It was still 75° inside when I woke up this morning at 7AM.

And now it's hot again. But the all time worst heat I've ever felt was on my birthday, last Sunday, when we left San Leandro at 2PM to go to Baker's Square in Pleasanton for lunch and a piece of banana cream pie. It was an unbearable 95° here but the temperature continued to rise as we got closer to the restaurant until it hit an unbelievable 115°. Un-be-lieve-able.

The restaurant was very comfortable. The pie was good. I'd been craving it for a long time. But when we walked outside it was like a blast furnace and this time I mean that as a literal analogy and not just an exaggerated description. As we drove home I kept thinking about that Twilight Zone episode where the world is being consumed by heat. Yikes. What a way to go.

The heat made me cranky but so did the fact that I spent $10.50 to see The Devil Wears Prada. That's a high price just to get some relief from the heat. I wanted to see An Inconvenient Truth but wasn't assertive enough to make that happen. At least that would have been more appropriate.

Somehow I came across an article about a U.S. Senator from Oklahoma who is still denying the whole global warming thing. Senator Jim Inhofe (R) ((of course)). He refutes every bit of evidence and says it's a mass conspiracy. What an idiot. He won't even concede that (even if it's a hoax) things like better gas mileage, alternative energy, cleaner air and lower emissions are a good thing and something we need to do.

See: http://www.tulsaworld.com/NewsStory.asp?ID=060722_Ne_A1_Heatw72040


My brother ended up in Oklahoma a few years ago. I was very distressed by that. He doesn't like it there and I hope he can leave A.S.A.P.. But until then, I hope he has the good sense to vote this guy out of office! Oh, dear Lord, I hope he doesn't support this idiot!!!

Blackmail and Eternal Friendship

If you hear from a friend who says he/she has some "heinous" photos of you from a long time ago, what do you think your first reaction would be? Blackmail?

Several years ago in a happier time and place when I worked for United Airlines at OAK, I joined two of my friends and co-workers for a weekend in Honolulu. The photo above was taken as we taxied to the runway. Obviously Julie had been drinking before checking in at the airport. On the other hand, I must have been suffering from malnutrition back then. Yikes.

During the flight, I must have loosened up a bit myself! I do not remember this photo being taken but I do remember explaining to the girls what a "swimmer's jock" was.

We found a cheap hotel room and planned to go snorkeling at Hanauma Bay. Apparently these weren't the only photos taken that I had completely forgotten about.

The hotel room was one of the saddest little hovels I've ever seen. I can't remember the name but it was a hostel, I think, intended mainly for Japanese tourist students. We paid for two beds and a rollaway. I, being the luckiest, got the rollaway. No, it was I, being the MAN, who got the rollaway. Ha!

I wouldn't have fit on the bed anyway. They were only 4 feet long. At least that's what I thought until we realized that they were pushed under a table at one end. The room itself was a big problem. You'd have thought that a room with two beds and a kitchenette would be large enough for three people, right? Of course. No. Not at all.

It was tiny. The rollaway was too large for the room. It took up all the available floor space including the entry a.k.a. the kitchenette. So I had to use the mattress to sleep on the floor where my feet ended up under Anne's bed, one of my arms under Julie's and the other arm, if extended, went into the bathroom. My head was down the hall in the kitchenette.

Waking up crippled and miserable, Julie took pictures of me trying to make coffee. For some reason she gets a big kick out of these images.

(Well, I have one or two she might get a kick out of too. But since she just send me a nice birthday card, I won't post them..)

I had never snorkeled before and had never planned to. I'll never forget trying to walk with flippers on and then trying to float/swim with flippers on. If you take a close look, my feet already qualified as flippers anyway so they really weren't necessary.

But don't we look darling standing there with our faces all scrunched up in those little masks!

This must havebeen taken before we got into the water because after being in the water, to my horror, my trunks were 90% transparent revealing that alluring "swimmer's jock" I had been showing off on the plane.

Okay. "How I Learned To Breathe Through a Snorkel" happened when I finished practicing and actually got horizontal and started floating around looking at cool stuff. The very first thing I saw was an eel. I panicked like a little girl with a bug in her hair. I just started screaming into my snorkel pipe which must have sounded like part of the soundtrack from "Exorcist." I remember splashing, trying to swim/float backwards and get away. I'll never forget its beady little eyes looking up at my big buggy eyes on the other side of the snorkel mask I'd spit into and rubbed down to make the view clearer, as instructed by the girls. It was an awful sight, above and below sea level.

It took some coaxing but I did go back out again but never where I couldn't immediately just stand up and run back to the beach across the top of the coral if need be.

Ah, it was a beautiful day and one that we all remember well. Anne, unfortunately, has since passed on ahead of us. But we will be friends eternally and when I catch up I'm going to be so proud that I never, ever showed the picture I took of her in that hotel room to another living soul. (She made me promise.) She's tough and, yes, she scared me a little.

Bizarre! and, once again, George Bush is a Retard

I really suck when it comes to maintaining a regular blog. I've been dividing my efforts writing too much description in the photos I upload to flickr. Well, not really. But sometimes when I'm typing away I think, "I could use this on that damn blog that nobody reads."

That reminds me of my mother again. She referred to my blog once as my "blob" and I just ignored it thinking she was trying to be funny. I haven't always been able to tell when she was trying to be funny and when she was just funny by default.

Once my sister was instructed to go downstairs and get a loaf of bread out of the freezer that she'd bought at the church bazaar. A few minutes later I heard laughing. She called me downstairs to ask if I knew which loaf of bread she wanted; the one that was obviously a loaf of bread or the one with the little label marked "bizarre bread."

Okay so the really big news, besides the gigantic spider I nearly got eaten by and managed to kill on the patio, is that this Sunday is my 48th birthday. It's safe to make that announcement here because nobody reads this anyway. It's kind of amazing to me that it's 2006 and all of us are still alive. I mean, we haven't blown up the planet yet. I used to think that December 31st, 1999 would be the last chance we would have to bend over and kiss our asses goodbye. Well, considering the news lately, maybe the last chance is still coming. I mean George Bush has done more than any one person in a thousand years to usher in the Millenium than anyone I can think of. What a retard. I'm so ashamed of him. Everyone I know who expresses an opinion just about chokes on their own vomit when his name comes up. He'll have us all learning Farsi before Spanish, you mark my words.

So where was I? Ah, yes. Getting old. It's a bitch looking 45ish but feeling 75ish. And this brings up the other subject. Leslie in Hawaii (as opposed to the Leslie not in Hawaii) has encouraged me to write a totally anonymous blog where I feel free to just let it all out without having to worry about anything other than letting all my feelings out. It would be therapy. The only problem is I couldn't tell anyone about it because then I'd be too inhibited. The proper way to do it would be to write it, have people find out about it some backasswards way and then everybody can pretend they don't know about it and I can deny it with plausability in case someone is so gauche as to mention it. Ha! That reminds me of Will's family (of "Will and Grace") and how they "handle things."

Enough for now. I've got to go read another blog so my life doesn't seem so bad. It's written by a woman who gives birth about every 6 months, according to my calculations.

The Response

A few days I wrote about a nasty situation at the Chelsea Premium Outlet Mall in Vacaville, CA. For a refresher, please see "Photography is Not a Crime."

Today, taking me by surprise, I actually received a response. Predictably, though, it was unapologetic and actually misrepresented the circumstances by which they were made aware of my violation of their "code of conduct."

Code of conduct? Who are they kidding? Who goes shopping realizing that they are doing so under implied consent of a code of conduct?

Here's the letter:

click on it for a better view or see: http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=188397227&size=o

Just by coincidence, last weekend we stopped at another one of their fabulous outlet malls in Napa (mostly because we had to pee) and I noticed that the management office was right next to the rest rooms. I noticed a document taped to the window that turned out to be exactly what this letter is referring to. If it was much larger than a standard sheet of paper, it wasn't by much. It's not exactly something that would stop shoppers in their tracks and say, "Gee, I hope I'm acting within the mall's code of conduct!"

It was about 102° outside. I was hot, tired and miserable. I SHOULD have taken a photo of the document because it was fairly thorough. What was most interesting was the first 16 items on the list. It included things like shouting, causing disturbances, doing illegal things and other stuff I can't remember. Number 17 must not be very serious because it was near the bottom of the list.

I had asked Chelsea for the complete list but, obviously, didn't get it. SO I will be FORCED to take a photo of the list the next time we are at one of their FABULOUS malls.

Now just for clarification, the only reason it "came to their attention" that I was at their Vacaville mall taking photos is because I wrote to them and said so. Their employees have no way of knowing who I was.

They may get to know me in the future, however.

Does any of this sound totally ridiculous?

A Burning Black Blob of Black Smoke and Bl, uh, Flames

Traffic is unpredictable at any time and so I've learned to dial 511 to check for driving times and find out what incidents might need to be avoided.

511 is an automated system that calculates driving time between certain points in the SF Bay area using the bridge toll transponders that we keep on our windshields. It's a clever system. Aside from the potential issue of literally being tracked, it allows people to get an up-to-the-minute report on what's happening on the highways.

Yesterday I wasn't surprised to find a slowdown on the 880/980 Northbound interchange in Oakland because the system reported a slowdown there. But I was surprised to find a burning car. You don't see those every day. But I've seen several and they always make me wonder "why."

With my camera at my side and wishing my windshield was cleaner, I put down all the windows, got my camera ready and started taking pictures when I saw that something was burning and putting out a lot of smoke ahead:














And then I realized that I was about to drive right into the smoke with all my windows open. But I didn't think to hold my breath. I just wanted a few good photos.


But in the end, all I really got was my lungs full of black smoke that smelled like burning plastic and rubber and a photo of a ball of flames as I drove by:










I can guess what the causes of car fires are. I've seen some scary ones along the freeways in hot and cold weather. They must be frightening for the people in the car. And cars must not blow up as easily as they do on TV where when one little thing goes wrong and BANG the car blows up. Still, I'm curious about car fires. I'd like to see a documentary on them some day with profiles of the people and their cars.

Easy as Dell and an Icky Thing at a Happy Place

Tonight I was on the phone for a loooooong time with a tech support agent at Dell. He did such a fine job diagnosing and solving my issue(s) that I'm still awestruck by the depth of his knowledge and the massive amount of assistance I got that I didn't even expect. He saved me a lot of money, too, and for that I'm extremely grateful.

Thank you, SHAILEN 01115972, for excellent customer service. You really did make it "Easy as Dell."

The situation at the Vacaville outlet mall kept me awake the other night. Only tonight did I start to feel better after receiving a few comments from other Flickr photographers who commented on my situation. Yes, Gary, I think we should converge on that stupid mall with video camera, tripods, cameraphones, Brownies (the camera; but fudge would be good too), and a KUTV Channel 2 news crew complete with reporter, cameras and a satellite link. Bastards. And no, I haven't heard anything back from management yet. Do you think I will?

At the zoo yesterday (July 4th) I witnessed something kind of icky. It was unexpected and violent. The zoo is supposed to be such a happy place and we forget that in nature animals eat each other all the time. Well, what I witnessed wasn't quite THAT bad but it was a bit shocking. So I've decided to mention it here and include a photo so that you, too, can enjoy life at the zoo.

Everything was lovely late in the afternoon. I was doing some "Primate Patrol" keeping the crowds under control around the chimps and the gibbon and siamangs' islands. Across from them the two pairs of blue and gold macaws were sitting in their shacks grooming each other and playing kissy face all day.

I noticed a squirrel jump into their exhibit and examine some of the stuff the keepers left out for the birds to bite, shred and play with. Then it headed for the inhabited shacks where the food is. There was a very loud shreek, a flurry of activity and the squirrel came running out again but not before suffering a bite to the left foreleg.

So of course I took some photos. Most of them didn't come out right because my settings were wrong but I got one good one of the poor fella just before he returned to the shack for another raid.

You can clearly see the wound.

I feel bad for him/her but to go back and risk it again left me quite astonished. It's leg was obviously useless. And the second time the macaws just let him take their food.

Strange.

Everything's new to me. I reported it to someone later and she said "they do that all the time." Really! I should carry the video camera too for some really entertaining reports.

PHOTOGRAPHY IS NOT A CRIME

You're looking at what I saw as my parting glance after being harassed while trying to take simple, general interest photos at the Chelsea Outlet mall in Vacaville, California yesterday.

I'm way past being sick of people in little golf carts with uniforms and radios bothering me while trying to set up and take innocuous photos of things that in no way relate to any security, commercial license or legality issues. This time I've contacted the management company, asked for their written policy to examine for personal interest reasons and to scrutinize it for legality questions.

What's the big deal about taking photos in true public space and what the general public assumes is public space anyway? So what if you're on the sidewalk and want to take a photo of your friends in front of the Sanrio store or, in my case, are practically laying on the ground to get a unique photo of a fire hydrant?

Yesterday I noticed the color yellow for some reason and decided to devote the day to photographing things that were yellow, challenging myself to find interesting interpretations. Earlier in the day I had captured part of a grate in the sidewalk and later on after lunch (which I should also write about separately) I found this bright yellow hydrant across from the restrooms. There were some yellow flowers in the ground cover around it which I captured but didn't publish. And at the same spot was a bright yellow railing/barrier that looked great in the late afternoon light against the black asphalt pavement.

I missed that photo because that's when the first person stopped me. She said she wasn't "security" but was driving a security vehicle and warned me that security wouldn't like it that I was taking photos. I told her that I'm just an amateur photographer and wasn't breaking any laws but if she felt she had to sound the alarm or call in the troops to go ahead but I wanted to go back to work getting the shot of the paint on the railing.

She drove off, obviously in a huff over being talked back to. But I never got the photo I wanted because it was only a couple of minutes later that the real security person in the big truck (pictured above) stopped to ask me what I was taking pictures of. Feeling like it was none of her business but suspecting that it might be her business, I said "yellow things." She responded snidely, "yellow things?."

And so it went. I told her what I was doing and she did her best to tell me that I was prohibited from taking pictures anywhere on the outlet property and that the policy, though not posted anywhere the public can see including on the website, is posted in the management office. I don't remember what happened or who said what but I know she drove off after I suggested that if they don't want people taking pictures they ought to post some signs where people can see and she should go find her superiors and suggest just that and that I would be doing the same which I have.

Of course all during this intercourse I wanted to take pictures of her but was sufficiently intimated out of doing so. And as she drove off I suppressed my desire to yell something obscene and show off my middle finger, taking a fuzzy photo instead.

Probably 75% of people walking around these days is armed with a camera. They range in size from the Hubble telescope down to something small enough to hang from a keychain. They're in cell phones and tiny personal, portable computer devices. Spys have them in their coat buttons and writing pens. Some look like credit cards and mine just looks like an old-fashioned camera. So what's the big deal? We're being watched everywhere we go and in every thing we do. Our cars are watched on the highways and in parking lots. There are eyes on us on the sidewalks and inside stores. Our phone calls are logged and possibly listened to. Our purchases are tracked both in the stores and online. Next time you buy something and the clerk wants your zip code, take their picture and say "tell your boss it's none of your business."

A group of photographers on flickr.com have formed a group called PhotoMOB(ilization) because of the harassment we get for situations like this all the time it seems. Usually it's from pseudo-police who are overly aggressive and are all puffed up with patriotism and 9/11 paranoia.

I hope to hear back from the property management company and if I do, I'll post more info here. Regardless of what might happen next, I'm unscathed and will continue to exercise my right to take photographs. Photography is not a crime and neither is free speech, fortunately.

Magnets and Air Conditioning

Please tell me I'm not losing my mind. The other night we went out for some pasta at Rigatoni's in Castro Valley and we discovered that the knives and forks are magnetized, as you can see in the photo. This is not a trick. You can attempt to do this at home because I doubt there's any danger.

The spoons, for some reason, wouldn't stick to either the knife or the fork. And nobody thought to check whether knives would stick to knives or forks to forks though having an answer to those questions would have only left us more befuddled.

I worked in food service at one time and I can't think of a single reason why this should be. We mentioned it to our waiter who wasn't in a very talkative mood but he already knew about it.


If only we could look forward to afternoon thunderstorms the heat wouldn't be so bad. But this week started off hot and it's just getting worse. I start to get miserable and feel sick when it starts to get warmer than 72° outside which, by coincidence, is how warm it is outside right now at 1AM. The temperature inside is 76° so I won't be going to bed soon. Those nice flannel sheets are going to have to wait for a while.

Still, there are brave souls who are coming to the zoo with children, pushing those SUV sized strollers up the hill, sweating profusely and some swearing profusely at their kids who seem to be oblivious to both heat and the rigors of walking uphill. It hit 90 yesterday in San Leandro so at the zoo where it's always warmer, it must have been 95. That's hot enough for anyone.

When I picked Brad up at the BART station he said it felt like Las Vegas but I was thinking, "..yeah, on a day with 48% humidity!"

The bengal tigers were playing in the afternoon sun but acting a little grouchy. A large snarl took us off guard as I was talking with two visitors on the upper observation deck, causing us to forget what we were talking about. The camels didn't seem to mind much but would occasionally go over and splash in their little pond. The lions were nowhere to be seen. Other docents were also scarce, all of them giving up and leaving before 1PM. Big, floppy hats are common and today I saw the largest umbrella ever; large enough to cover a family of three.

So until Mother Nature's natural air-conditioning returns, which it will, at least I am glad I've chosen to spend my time at the Oakland Zoo where the animals are respected, the public loves coming there, and nobody minds if you're found sitting in the shade unable to walk any further for a while.

It's only recently that I've seen cactus plants in blossom. Nature inspires me and I hope it's easy to see why. The complexity and detail that can be seen in the cactus flower here astounded me when I leaned over the railing and peeked inside. Every day brings new discoveries, new visitors and new experiences. This is how I imagined "retirement" would be, just not this hot and not this early!

My Jury Duty is Complete

I've had sneezes that took longer to complete than this year's jury duty. Yesterday I got excited because I was told to call back today between 11 and 12. I let myself imagine that I'd have to hurry out the door to report to the court room by 2PM and then get selected to be on a case like the Susan Polk trial. No such luck.

It all started many years ago watching Perry Mason on TV. Somehow it seemed my mom was able to figure out who dunnit and I couldn't even follow the story line very well. But I got to bring one of those wax paper sandwich bags filled with potato chips into the living room to enjoy during the show. In those days I don't know what I enjoyed most. Maybe it was just how smart Perry Mason was. And he was always in charge and in control.

Today I appreciate the same things but I also notice the furniture, lamps, cars, clothes and most important of all the big breakdown scene in court at the end where the big reveal takes place. It was so dramatic.

I like the way the Perry Mason character's mind works. And later on I became a big fan of the Vulcans on Star Trek all the way up to T'Pol on Star Trek: Enterprise. I can't say enough about the virtues of emotional detachment.

A Pleasant Surprise

Last night I quickly went through every one of my photos on flickr.com just to review what kinds of images I've been uploading since last September when I first got started. When I was done, I wasn't very impressed with my abilities as a photographer. I wasn't sure about my artistic talents and even though I have nearly 1500 photos online that have been viewed on more than 17,000 separate visits (and counting) I still had the feeling that I've been making some kind of a positive contribution. But until today I wasn't clear on what it is.

I had to remind myself about the many messages of gratitude I've received from people who lived on Okinawa around the same time I lived there for posting all my photos from the time. Most kids didn't take any photos and to summarize what I've been told, they said my pictures brought back a flurry of forgotten, happy memories from the happiest time in their lives.

One fellow wrote and said he lived across the street from me and that his sister, now deceased, is in two of my photos taken at Pacific Middle School. I remember her. She was a fun, happy girl whose death left family broken hearted. I had a feeling someone would eventually see themselves or a friend in my photo stream but I wasn't expecting to hear a tragic story like his.

On the other hand he agreed with others that my collection of random shots from daily life brought back good memories too. And that's something I enjoy hearing. Those two short years were such a magical time in my life and it gives me great pleasure hearing that by seeing my photos, other people experience the same rekindled emotions.

Just the other day I was contacted by someone who is putting together several new websites about Okinawa and asked for my permission to use some of my photos. I really can't guess which ones he wants to use but I still felt a rush of pride. Had I known, over 35 years ago, that these things would happen I would have done a much better job of taking and preserving my slides!

Okay, there's more! This is a little odd but tonight I checked my mail and found that the University of San Francisco School of Pharmacy had added me as a flickr contact. Since that sounded really odd, I decided to go to their flickr profile and see what was going on. I was pleasantly surprise by what I found. They don't post their own photos or select favorite photos by other people. Here's a quote from that profile:

• We add Flickr contacts and join Flickr groups which we feel reflect the character and experiences of people in San Francisco, the Bay Area, and California so that our community can more easily see how we move and live in the larger world around us. Flickr enables us to share and build these connections much easier than we can do ourselves.

I was honored by that. It feels good to be recognized even in a small way.

When it's all over with and done I hope my one heart's desire is achieved. And that is just to have contributed something lasting and positive during my time. Maybe I've started getting somewhere with that.

Photos, Claws, Glasses and Lychees

It was another evening out with the camera looking for new things, pretty things and unique things to capture. I've learned that if you want to meet your neighbors, hang out on the sidewalk. All kinds of nice people walk by ready to introduce themselves and tell you things.

This evening I met Sheila and Randy who told me that people have been killing skunks and dumping them in the field across from us. I really must stay up late at nights watching what goes on out there because I never hear or see anything. I smell skunk and even Robert, another neighbor closer to us, says he's come home at night and seen them right at his door. They come from the golf course area and drink water in our faux stream and forrage around for pet food that people leave outside. I can live a few more years without needing to surprise a skunk.

Randy said there was a peregrine falcon spotted here lately. And some people I met yesterday said they came out on their deck one weekend morning to enjoy their coffee and saw a turkey vulture on the fence across from their place. It's strange that we have all this wildlife in such a suburban and industrial area. It shows that wildlife can adapt if forced to.

When I came home, this is what I saw inside the window next to the door:

My days of single-vision lenses may be numbered. I've been fighting against bifocal lenses for years now. I've tried them, stumbled down stairs and run into things. I couldn't stand how I had to keep adjusting my head depending on what I want to look at. And progressive lenses were a joke. It was like being seasick and having the flu at the same time.

But I really can't see stuff close up. I wear my glasses to correct for distance, which isn't really as big a problem. When I'm in the store, for example, I just look under the bottom of my lenses to see tags, ingredients and etcetera or just take off my glasses. But it doesn't work for using the cell phone, adjusting the settings on my camera, reading maps...

Oh why can't big '70's lenses come back into style? They're much more practical for bi and trifocals. Not that I think they're attractive or anything. (But I guess I did when I had my senior photo taken for the 1976 high school yearbook. Eeek!)

But seriously, folks. One of the things I live with is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Nobody really wants to hear specifics so I'll just say that lately I've been more irritated than usual. This is the opposite of what happened on our last road trip when I failed to pass anything solid for about 5 days. Just imagine that. Uncomfortable? Yeah.

This morning there was a breakthrough at my vacationing friend's apartment. Spooky was really glad to see me. She was very vocal, very affectionate and didn't attack when I brushed her, pet her and massaged her head. She couldn't stop rubbing her face against my hand and acted like she just learned to like it. She sat on my lap and kneaded my leg with her paws. Okay, that was uncomfortable because her claws are like needles. But she didn't do anything aggressive.

So I tried touching her paws gently and kind of giving her a paw massage. That was risky, I know. But she was very gentle. So maybe tomorrow or Thursday I'll take the nail clippers and see if I can cut some of those things down. It needs to be done. Yes, Mom, I'll have plenty of alcohol, hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls handy in case of a thrashing.

I'm still thinking about that last trip to Berkeley Bowl because the sight of fresh lychee fruit made my mouth water. I suppose I was denying myself things just so I wouldn't spend money but that doesn't explain the $1.68 white chocolate bar. I took a photo, though, and that's how I'll end tonight.

Perhaps I'll tackle some serious writing one day soon.

(Clicking on the photos will give you a larger version. All my photos are online at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_worm_turns/ )

Thoughts of Friends East and West

My most sincere thanks to "Walt" in Frederick, MD for sending a wonderful collection of Ryukyuan music to me after reading a comment I made somewhere on-line about wishing I could hear those sounds again. Much of the music is contemporary, utilizing electronic instruments, but is based soundly on the classics in style, rhythm and verse. It sounds less like "an injured animal" (according to one friend) than the music I used to listen to on the radio during the lunch hour when I lived on Okinawa.

It brings back such positive feelings of my love for the island, the people and the cosmopolitan and idyllic two years I spent living on Okinawa in the early 1970's.

To my friend now vacationing in Hawaii: Your cat is alive and well, eating and pooping like a good girl. I hope my text message didn't alarm you. I know you warned me that Spooky goes kind of nuts when you're petting her and I'd get clawed if I didn't take it easy. How am I supposed to keep my hands off of her? She's so sweet and she purrs and talks to me. She lets me pet her and rub her chin and massage her back when she's on the floor. I thought she was going to let me pet her and brush her. Well, I soon found out that she's more likely to attack when her four legs aren't in use holding up her body, like when she's on the floor. Before I knew what had gone wrong she had all 98 claws in her four paws as well as her teeth sunk deeply into my right hand. The grooming session abruptly ended as I went in search of alcohol and bandages.

Tonight I looked over at my right hand and saw a few spots of blood which surprised the heck out of me because I didn't think she "got me" the one time she swatted at me. At least it was only a small wound. In fact I'm wondering if it wasn't just a spontaneous leak of some kind as a result of my subconscious apprehension of being attacked again.

I've joked that by the end of the two weeks all I'll have the courage to do is crack the door slightly and throw in a piece of raw meat.

My cat seems to be doing well. I haven't yet figured out an effective way of getting a pill down his throat every day, let alone TWICE a day. So his asthma is still a problem. However I'm very happy that I've found a brand and blend of food that he will eat that doesn't make him puke. At first I balked at Dick VanPatten having his name on a brand of cat food but I tried it anyway. The bagged dry version of Venison and Green Pea was labeled "Allergy Formula" so I tried it anyway, wishing that it was something Betty White had endorsed. Not that I have anything against Dick VanPatten, it's just that I'm more familiar with Betty White's involvement in animal issues. The brand name is "Natural Balance."

I wonder why someone hasn't thought to make a cat food out of mice, bugs and long blades of grass.

I'm still in shock after learning that our "docent goddess" at the Oakland Zoo resigned recently without notice. I missed the meeting where she made the announcement but a fellow docent sent me an email with the news. It's devastating news for the docents and the keepers. She is NOT replaceable. Something unpleasant has been going on but I don't know what. It isn't like her to give up on anything so it must have been a very, very difficult and painful decision to make.

It makes me angry at who/whatever caused her to leave. My first reaction was to never return to the zoo again. But she taught us well both in the classroom and on the job. Our first priority is the animals and their welfare. We signed an allegiance to them and promised to be there for them. The visitors are important too, of course. I have nothing bad to say about anybody at the Oakland Zoo. I haven't met a bad apple in the bunch. In fact, until working at the zoo, I thought that the best people on Earth worked for United Airlines. The reality, of course, is that good people are found everywhere. But the thing that bonds us together at the zoo is much deeper in a spiritual way.

Leslie, you've had a lot to deal with lately. A death in the human family, especially an unexpected one, is a tragedy. I think of you frequently, fondly and as I think you know, have a special place in my heart for you and your family. Can you believe that we first met nearly 20 years ago? Aloha.

Today there will be a family reunion in Hinckley, Utah which I will not be attending. It's on my father's side of the family encompassing the posterity of his maternal grandparents; my great grandparents. That has the potential of attracting a whole lot of people! When I was a kid we used to go to family reunions and I really only cared about three or four of my cousins. The rest were older, meaner and different because we lived in town and they all lived on farms.

I learned to dislike family reunions at about 6 years of age when my brother and sister told me I had to get up and perform "Two Little Ducks" on stage in front of everyone. I didn't care about performing, really, but that was such a stupid song I knew I'd be dead meat after my tough farm cousins ahold of me afterwards.

We always took our own drinking water with us because the local stuff was so nasty. It was always hot, dry and I suffered badly from hay fever. I couldn't imagine being more miserable. The corn on the cob was good though. Fresh farm grown corn is good stuff. But stopping at the A&W in Delta on the way home and getting one of those cone shaped containers of ice-cold root beer for the long drive home almost made the trips worthwhile.

All those memories are filed away in "my past." To go there now and see my cousins who, in my mind, are all still eight and ten years old now looking like our parents did the last time we were together would be upsetting. It's also upsetting that our parents now look like the very, very oldest people who we were afraid of when we were kids.

Jury duty is coming up soon and it would be great if I could actually serve on a jury, even if it's for a purse-snatching. It's just one of those things in life that I really want to do. Every year I get the notice in the mail but don't even make it as far as the courthouse. My number never comes up. If I never get to serve that's okay as long as I get a guarantee that I'll never be judged by one.

BED TIME

Etcetera

How about a chit-chatty post for a change, just to get back into the groove?

Today's top story, so far, is the new kitchen faucet AND food disposal, efficiently installed by a very perky yet stinky young man from Service One. That's who the property management uses for rental repairs. Our faucet was beginning to form a geyser under the plastic "H / C" cap and could have blown at any time. While extracting the faucet (he said it was WAY over-installed) a piece of the disposal broke off so that had to be replaced too. Yay!

Yesterday I picked up the keys to my friend's apartment so I can perform my "Spooky Babysitter" job starting on Saturday for two weeks. Spooky is the cat's name. To entice me to spend some time there with her each day, I've been offered the entire Buffy The Vampire Slayer DVD collection to watch. Spooky's human is convinced after I watch the first episode I will be hooked. I suppose that could happen.

His apartment is downwind from the Ghirardelli factory and the air often smells like someone is baking chocolate brownies. It's nice for a while but then it gets annoying. It's funny how one of the most pleasant smells can become so sickening when you can't get away from it.

The day before, he brought us treats from his business trip to London. I enjoyed white chocolate chip and macadamia nut "biscuits" from Harrod's and my cats got a very cute battery operated hamster in a clear sphere for their amusement from Hamleys (http://www.hamleys.com/invt/0000000549923) which is a very OLD toy store.

We've just returned from a recent camping trip to Big Basin and a road trip vacation to Zion, Bryce and Grand Canyon National Parks (which also included some camping) and now we're discussing another road trip to Yellowstone, Grand Teton and Glacier in August. That $50.00 inventment in the National Park Pass was a good one! Individually the entrance fees add up to much more than that.

In the back of my mind I'm thinking of upcoming jury duty this month. I SO want to be on a jury! I get duty notifications every year but never even make it to the courthouse. I also have a lot of zoo work coming up starting with a meeting tomorrow morning. And I still have a lot of photos to process and post to my Flickr pages. The video I took on vacation has yet to be reviewed but eventually I'll be adding clips to my Vimeo collection as well.

Now it's errand time. I have things to do before picking up Mr. Happy at BART and we all meet at La Pinata to bid our vacationing friends a bon voyage.

Feeling Small

It's similar to looking out an airplane window and realizing how tiny you really are.

On the ground, in the shadows of giant redwood trees I got the same feeling. I felt like that while I reflected on my cat, my life and myself. I felt like a tiny dot until the mosquitos came out.
Then I felt bigger.

The drive from San Leandro through San Jose and on to highway 17 seemed to go by quickly. While we were sailing past the scenery I tried to imagine what someone from the covered wagon era might have thought if, one night in a dream, they'd had a vision of being in my seat in the car for a few minutes. How could anyone describe that? Maybe that's why seers have written such symbolic accounts of their visions.

I thought about a lot of things looking up at the sky, trees and birds this past weekend. I thought about being small, large, old, young, helpless and powerful. I thought and thought and got a stiff neck from looking up so much. Unfortunately I couldn't really find any answers this time. I just felt very small most of the time. Weekend camping trips are too short to experience major edifying events. On day three, I was ready to relax and enjoy the day but it was time to go again.

Pewter's health problems continued to be on my mind all weekend but I had a comfortable feeling inside that he would be okay OR that I would be okay with whatever happened. When we got back in cell phone range, there was a message to call Brad's mom. That's the only time that I got nervous. But it turned out that we had left on Friday without closing the garage door.

So in addition to all the above feelings we got to feel stupid too. Yay.

We returned to find the cats happy, healthy and relaxed. I hope to repeat that discovery every time I come through the front door no matter how long I've been away.

Drama and Thermometers

I'm not used to much drama in my life and when something happens to one of my cats, it's a big deal.

Things seem normal and stable right now. Pewter's visit with Dr. Grossman went well and left me optimistic and much more relaxed. He seems much, much better now that the IV port (I'm sure that's the wrong term) is out of his arm and that bandage is gone. I know now that Pewter is totally right-pawed because he just couldn't clean himself by using his South paw.

Pewter seems like he's in better shape than I am now. I'm exhausted from the anguish and have yet to process my sadness. By process, I mean cry. I imagine that will happen tomorrow sometime in the car as we drive off for a weekend at our favorite campground at Big Basin in the redwoods near Santa Cruz. It doesn't matter where I go. I just hate leaving my cats. I am, however, capable of going away AND having a good time. It's just a little drama I go through every time. Mom, does this sound familiar?

There's a line somewhere between normal and crazy where cat people sometimes linger on or near the crazy side. Obviously I'm not unfeeling. And I wouldn't go on this trip if Pewter needed me. But from his perspective, as much as he seems to hate it when I go away, I'm sure he will be okay. He will be fed and checked on a couple of times a day. He may just appreciate the total peace and quiet. This all reminds me of a term we use freely at the zoo:

anthropomorphize - To ascribe human characteristics to things not human.

I would never want to underestimate the intelligence of our fellow non-human beings but I know there is a limit to a feline's sense of self. I also know that humans can seriously over- anthropomorphize animals. I see it at the zoo all the time. I also see total disregard for the integrity of the animal kingdom. It's such a difficult subject. I only hope to err on the side of compassion if I must err at all.

This post isn't going to get a proof reading. I'm tired and have a bag to pack. And I want to do it while Pewter is sleeping downstairs. As long as Cootie doesn't go blabbing what I'm up to, Pewter will probably just enjoy his slumber in his favorite spot, glad to be home in familiar surroundings with plenty of good food and water and nobody sticking a thermometer up his butt.

Neurologic Episode

Or is it neurological?

Pewter held up well, patiently waiting in his carrier in the back seat while Brad did a little grocery shopping after we picked him up from Alameda Pet Hospital last night. He was a little doped up but I couldn't really tell.

When we got home I put him in a laundry basket made all comfy with towels because I was under the impression that he'd just want to pass out. But he was only in it long enough to jump back out again and head downstairs to the feeding station. He was hungry and thirsty and he wanted dinner NOW.

The rest of the evening wasn't normal because he didn't come and sit by me while we watched The Amazing Race. Cootie, still unable to smell the Pewter he was familiar with, didn't know what to think and hissed everytime they got close. I felt bad for him but Pew didn't seem to care.

Before bed I had time to think about the long visit we had with Dr. Jen who showed me Pewter's x-rays and blood test results and went over everything in great detail. They can explain the sneezing and coughing but not the neurological event. It's a big mystery. And (now this is funny) short of doing a CAT scan, there's no real way of knowing what's happening in his brain.

At 3AM it happened again. His crying woke me up. Well, the smell from the cat box partially woke me up first. He had just gone potty and by the time I turned my light on and went into the hallway he was on his side showing signs of another episode. His eyes were going back and forth like he was watching an imaginary ping pong game and his head dropped to the right.

He knew I was there. Instead of just crying, he seemed to be complaining. I just did my best to support his head and talk quietly to him and comfort him. And he purred the whole time, even when he was crying out. When he calmed down some I got up to get a towel. Fortunately he didn't lose control this time so it was a "clean" episode. But he then walked backwards half way down the stairs. So I went down, got a towel and wrapped him up like a baby, went to the recliner and held him for about an hour while the episode ended. The whole thing lasted about 90 minutes.

Afterwards I brought him up to bed where he stayed for quite a while. When I woke up, he was gone. At about 7 when I got up to take Brad to BART, he was downstairs waiting for breakfast.

I was supposed to take him back to the vet today for observation while I went to the zoo and did other things. But I was exhausted and went back to sleep. The vet called at 10:30 wondering where I was and I told him I was going to stay home with him today. So I'm taking him in this afternoon at 4 for a follow-up appointment.

What happens after that, I don't know. I have decisions to make.

Grief

I was prepared to start writing until I attached the photo of Pewter's beautiful face and now I can barely think.

Today he had a seizure of some kind. It involved losing bowel control, losing his ability to walk and vomiting. My first reaction was that he had had a stroke.

And indeed he may have had a stroke. That is one of two possible scenarios at this point. There may be brain damage. If so, I'm afraid that he won't be with me any longer.

On the other hand, there's a possibility that he is having an inner ear issue related to allergies with they say can be treated. Cured? I don't know. There's so much I don't know right now. But what I DO know is that I won't be as selfish as I was with Orlock. With him, I waited too long before I sent him to wait for me in heaven. He was very ill and I went to extreme measures to keep him alive and comfortable for as long as possible.

Pewter's sweet face is something I'm not prepared to go without seeing every day. But I've also had feelings that he is more seriously ill than anyone suspected. This is one time that I'd like to be proven wrong.

It's almost 3PM and I expect a call any time now. I need to find something to keep me busy. Writing this was meant to be a way of expressing myself. All the while I've had a prayer in my heart that I can think clearly and do the right thing, make the right decisions.

UPDATE: 3:52PM The vet called while I was in the shower (of course) and left a positive message. Pewter is doing much better. The x-rays indicate that he has allergies and suffers from asthma. They've given him various medicines, including a narcotic to calm him down, and said to come and pick him up. We'll decide at that point whether he needs to go back tomorrow and what kind of treatment plan he'll have.

In the mean time, Cootie has been very sweet and affectionate. He has a way of calming me down and I just love how he rests his head on my hand or extends his arm, cupping my finger in his paw, and curls his toes as if he were squeezing my finger.

The last time Pewter went to the vet alone, Cootie didn't like the way he smelled when he got home. He hissed at him for two days. This time I don't care. It looks like Pewter will survive this so what's a little hissing in the long run?

Concerning "Mission Accomplished"

The dialogue continues in the comment thread below the "Mission Accomplished" photo in my Flickr photostream. Most people have viewed the photo without comment. Many have "fav'd" it meaning they have created a connection between their own photo pages and the ones on Flickr they like. And some have chosen to make comments.

While I feel that the primary purpose for posting photos on Flickr is so that, as artists, we can be mutually supportive and offer constructive criticism, there comes a time when it's okay to be provocative. I have such strong feelings about our current administration and the war in Iraq that I felt motivated to post the photo as a reminder to all those with feelings not to forget. An armless soldier, faceless Iraqi civilian or burned corpse of a civilian contractor would have been an entirely different message than the one I wanted to put across.

Some people question why I would post such a photo (flag-draped coffins being unloaded from an aircraft) and accuse the photographer of having some kind of agenda. After reading the latest comments tonight I responded with a few of my own. What follows is my contribution.

I don't know who took these photos. I DO know that photography isn't a crime and these images should be seen by everyone.

We'll all have different reactions. But I'm quite certain that the purpose for distributing them is to remind all of us that our soldiers are being killed. It isn't about the "good guys" and the "bad guys" because that's the stuff of fiction. Don't over-simplify the intentions of the photographer and those who keep these images alive in our minds. I, for one, have immovable respect for those who serve our country including the ones who question our leaders and their policies. That's what makes it all work.

We must continue to THINK, LISTEN, LEARN, QUESTION, and stay involved. Otherwise we will be lead astray. I believe we were purposely mislead. But even if we were mistakenly mislead we have indeed been mislead by people who are not worthy to hold the trust of the people.

That's what makes this photo so incredibly powerful. We see the absolute respect and dignity in the way the caskets are draped in our beautiful flag and the way they are being handled. The photo itself is balanced, cropped and exposed in such a way as to suggest nothing but respect.

Growing up in a military environment I did very little thinking for myself on the subjects of war, politics and patriotism. But I'll never forget the day my hero, Richard Nixon, resigned in disgrace. It was like my world had shattered. And then on subject after subject I learned the truth about many more things including the Vietnam war. And friends, the truth just isn't always pretty. Growing up was hard enough but learning that my country isn't perfect, isn't morally clean, isn't always run by saints and is subject to mistakes and evil influences was a very
tough thing to accept.

Welcome to the real world. Choose your battles, leaders and heroes carefuly but pray to God that you know the true face of your enemy.

The link to the photo and comment thread is: http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_worm_turns/136505221/

This Won't Play Well in Peoria

Amen
Originally uploaded by Miss Makita Drill.

The big marches and demonstrations are over for now. The effects they had, besides the immediate and measureable ones, will be known in time. I was busy at home that day so it didn't impact my life in the slightest. But come to think of it, I didn't hear the usual sound of leaf blowers cutting through the morning calm. Does that count?

There were news reports, photos, opinions, editorials, comments, video and audio. And then it was over. So what happened? A whole lot of people got together, this time waving American flags instead of Mexican flags, and made a clear and deliberate point that our laws need to change.

What good is a demonstration en masse if you end up turning the people who you want support from against you instead? This "backlash" is something that was quickly learned during the dress rehearsals for the May 1st rallys. The country was aghast by the display of Mexican flags. The old expression, "This won't play well in Peoria" certainly applied then as it does to this photo.

Americans tend to love their laws and know that the rule of law is the cement that keeps our loose bricks from falling down.

I'm nowhere near Peoria but my heart is in the vicinity. The situation is a certified, complicated mess and scenes like this will not be useful in finding a solution that can be supported by the majority of U.S. citizens and many immigrants as well.

"Mission Accomplished" Anniversary

When I posted this photo on my Flickr page I had no idea it would get so much attention. The host site was referenced in a letter from Gold Star Families for Peace along with some other information. (http://www.newshounds.us/2005/04/26/project_madman_images.php)

America needs to be reminded daily, like we were during the Vietnam war, about the horrors of war. Even though this is a powerful photo it's very different from the experience of having dinner while Walter Cronkite related the day's events in Vietnam, complete with footage of the battles, massacres and killed and injured soldiers being evacuated.

This current war has been sterilized for us. Only a few programs have been produced showing soldiers with missing limbs, reconstructed craniums and artificial eyes. And you have to search the foreign press websites to find photos from the Iraqi perspective although we do get glimpses of their ruined homes and shattered lives.

This is also true of the Palestinian people. Occasionally we get to see Israeli heavy equipment tearing down the house of a terrorist but to find out what life is like for the people, you have to search. And these days can we turn our backs while Israel builds a wall to divide the land? In this age, in these times, the Berlin wall is gone and there are gift shops in the Great Wall of China. And some in the U.S. want to build a wall along the border with Mexico. I doubt they have plans for gift shops.










http://www.newshounds.us/2005/04/26/project_madman_images.php